Page 44 of Finally Loved

“You don’tknowher.”

“Neither do you. She just shows up, taking advantage of someone who’s just been dumped, and you think she’s going to respect you, you think she’s going to love you as you are, but she’s going to be like everyone else. She’s not going to want you more than she wants sex. Just like everyone else.” Charlie stood up. “If we don’t look after you, who’s going to?”

Hot tears streamed down Neve’s face. She needed to believe that her best friends didn’t view her the same way she viewed herself—as though she were unworthy of love—but, here it was, Charlie admitting that who Neve was was never going to be enough. Never worthy of love. Never loved enough. Never respected enough. Never cared about enough. Good for friendship, otherwise alone forever. In need of other peoplelooking after her, making her decisions, taking away her friends like broken toys she was too foolish not to play with.

And the fact that all she had in the world was Charlie and Alice. Nobody else who cared. Nobody else who was going to look out for her.

She sucked in a painful, stabbing breath. Care wasn’t supposed to feel like this. “You were supposed to be my friends. Friends don’t do this,” she whispered, unable to speak any louder, before turning and heading out of the apartment, pausing only to grab her bag by the door.

She raced to her car, desperate for a place to be locked in and safe. So long as the car doors were locked, nobody else could get in, nobody else could hurt her.

Although, would anyone even try? Charlie had essentially confirmed they wouldn’t.

When she was certain neither Charlie nor Alice was going to be chasing her from the building, she collapsed in on herself, crying freely, keeping her head down so nobody passing by would see.

The last time she’d been crying in public, she’d met Alba. It had felt like a miracle, like the exact thing she’d needed. But it had led to this.

Maybe she’d always have ended up here—with or without Alba. She hadn’t lied, Charlie and Alice didn’t know Alba. Who Alba was didn’t really matter. For the two of them, Alba was simply a placeholder, a figurehead of what they believed Neve’s life to be.

She wished they could have believed in her more, believed she deserved more than they thought she did.

When the tears subsided slightly, she looked back up at her apartment. Their windows didn’t look out over this side, which she was glad of, but it did make the place feel even further away than it already did. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do.Walking back inside didn’t feel wise. She couldn’t fight anymore, she didn’t want to see them, and she imagined that the tension in the house would simply trap her in her room, panicking.

But, if not back home, where was she supposed to go?

Fresh tears welled up. Charlie was right. Neve didn’t have anyone else.

She had colleagues and acquaintances, sure. And, sure, she technically had family out there, but she wasn’t in touch with them. She didn’t really have anyone she could call in an emergency. It was always just Charlie and Alice. For a few months, Roxanne had maybe been on the list, but…

Her mind flicked to Alba.

She’d already caused enough havoc in Alba’s life, already cried on her. Alba didn’t need that again.

Plus, she knew how much Charlie would hate her running straight to Alba.

Neve hated that, after everything, Charlie’s opinion still mattered and was still so painfully engraved in her heart that it felt almost impossible to do anything that she would disapprove of.

She wasn’t entirely certain friendship was supposed to make you feel that way.

But, Alba was Neve’s friend, and Neve desperately needed a friend.

It wasn’t as though Neve hadn’t already risked Charlie’s disappointment by hanging out with Alba. What did it matter to do the same thing now?

She opened her text conversation with Alba, her eyes lingering on their last exchange. From one perspective, it could be read as a hopeful request for luck and a belief it would go well—requesting a call after so as to celebrate good news. Neve had known better than to expect that. Deep down, she’d known she was only ever going to end up here. That was why she’d beenputting it off for so long. Part of her didn’t want to shatter Alba’s optimism with the truth of what had happened.

But Alba had said to call her. She had hidden from Charlie in Neve’s apartment. She had been on the receiving end of Charlie’s glare. Maybe she, too, had known, deep down, what was about to happen. And maybe she really did want to be there for Neve. Maybe someone might care?

Neve wasn’t usually one for calling without texting first, but, if she didn’t just do it, she’d be frozen again, her whole evening lost in her car, all alone.

The call rang for a while before Alba answered. “Hey!” She sounded happy that Neve was calling but even through that, Neve could hear the apprehension in her voice. She hadn’t been as worried as Neve, but some part of her had known.

“Hi,” Neve said, immediately cursing the fact that she hadn’t tested her voice before calling. It sounded like she’d been crying. She had, but she’d wanted to keep that under wraps.

“Ah,” Alba said softly, the sound breaking Neve’s heart a little. “It didn’t go very well, huh?”

“No,” Neve said, her voice tiny, unable to stop the tears that started up again. Someone cared. Someone knew her well enough to know what happened without her telling them. She wasn’t as alone as she felt. “It didn’t go very well at all.”

“Where are you?”

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