Page 66 of I Always Will

All of the times she’d wanted to run back home to Hailey, she’d hoped Hailey might be feeling the same way but she’d never truly believed it, not until she read the journals and it was still there, in the pages of her life—wanting Alexandria as much as Alexandria wanted her. Hailey had written the words for all the ways Alexandria felt when she sat down and burned CDs because she didn’t have the words herself.

Maybe she hadn’t had the words because Hailey had them all. Hailey was writing their story even in their absence. All of their longing and wanting and love flowed through her and into journals born from the one a brokenhearted eighteen-year-old had given her first and only love.

Alexandria had to get her brother married, but then it was her time to find the words. She’d been thinking about it nonstop and she thought she had them now. They weren’t as beautiful as the ones Hailey wrote—even when she wrote about the mundane parts of life it was beautiful—but she knew what she’d wanted to say seventeen years ago and what she wanted to say now. She just had to hope that Hailey was still in the mood to hear them.

Twenty-Seven

Present day

Hailey’s heart was pounding painfully. She was glad she had such a great team at Mash-N-Go. They were doing an incredible job of setting up for their first wedding, in an unfamiliar kitchen, even as their boss was too much of an emotional wreck. She was certain a couple of them thought she was just that emotional and happy for Esme. And, while she really was delighted for Esme, that wasn’t what had her almost dropping two pans of potatoes and debating whether Esme’s custard-mash monstrosity from a couple of weeks ago was actually a good idea and something they should be serving.

When she’d reached that point, Homer had gripped her shoulders, manoeuvred her into a seat in the corner of the room, handed her a cup of tea, and told her to calm down. She’d nodded absently but taken the tea. It was soothing, something she desperately needed.

Given the way this week had gone, she’d been prepared to feel a million different emotions come today. What she had not been expecting was this level of anxiety. Especially not when she was fairly certain the journals had gone over well.

She’d woken up to a text from Alexandria—finally—on Friday morning. It had been sent in the early hours when it seemed clear that Alexandria was up, reading the journals, and feeling incredibly sentimental. Hailey’s heart had been momentarily soothed by the news that she’d been ridiculously ill since Sunday, had her mother unexpectedly invading her tiny one-bedroomed apartment, and that she was reading and crying by torchlight in the first alone time she’d gotten all week. The tone had been apologetic and thankful. And then Hailey’s heart had picked up at ten times its usual speed and hadn’t calmed down since.

The last time she’d been on a deadline like this with Alexandria, it had not been the kind she’d want to repeat. This time, maybe they’d get to come back together. All of the signs were there, but she still couldn’t calm herself down enough to feel relaxed about it. Seventeen years of wanting something and finally it was coming back to her? Maybe? There was no calm to be had in that situation.

Someone knocked on the door to the kitchen and stepped inside.

Hailey’s jaw almost dropped. “What the hell are you doing here? I thought you said you were busy? Nevermind. I don’t even care. I’m so glad you’re here. I need a date to keep me calm.”

Farid laughed. “I am busy. Sorry, not here to be your date, but I did hear I would find you back here and I had the sneaking suspicion you might be panicking.”

“I’m not panicking. Who said I’m panicking? Why would I be panicking?” She paused, processing all of his words. “Wait. You’re not here for me? What the hell are you doing here then?”

He tilted his head, smirking. “I’m Alexandria’s date.”

Hailey felt like she’d jumped into an ice-cold bath. “No, you’re not.”

“Oh, am I not? Because I’m pretty sure I am.”

“You’re dating Alexandria?” How could she have been so wrong? How could she have missed the signs and been so excited about the idea that Alexandria was coming back to her?

“Oh, for—” Farid’s shoulders sank, he seemed to deflate with frustration before her. “You two are as bad as each other.”

She scowled at him. “In what way?”

“You’re a lesbian.”

She cast around for any of this to make sense. “Is that new news?”

He sighed. “You’re a lesbian and you asked me to be your date for this.”

“So? It’s just a friends thing. I’m a lesbian.”

“And because Alexandria’s bisexual that means she can only have romantic dates?”

Hailey’s brain felt like a machine with the gears stuck. It was trying hard to kick itself back into gear and work, but the pieces just were not cooperating. “What? No, of course not. But you’re great, she’samazing, you’ve been friends for years…”

“Yeah, and she’s also been spoken for since the day you first sat next to her, I’m pretty sure.”

Hailey felt as though she was sitting in a fire suddenly. Could that possibly be true? She thought she knew it, deep down, but hearing it from Farid made it real, possible. She didn’t know why it was such a shock when she’d been Alexandria’s all that time too. She’d tried dating, she’d tried being friends first, she’d tried a million things, but it had never felt right. She’d been Alexandria’s since she was eleven years old. Since before she’d even known she was gay.

Had Alexandria been hers all along too?

“You’re such a pair of melons.” Farid rubbed three fingers across his forehead.

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