Page 63 of I Always Will

“Oh, yes,” Susan said lightly. “We started driving away, I got this brilliant idea, asked him to bring me back, and he did, laughing about what a great time the two of us were going to have.”

Alexandria was going to have to have words with him. She didn’t mind her mum coming to stay, not really, but she would have liked some notice. She didn’t even have a spare room, for heaven’s sake. “You don’t have any clothes or toiletries.”

“Oh, well, I picked up a few things from Marks and Sparks, and I assume you’ll have extra toiletries and things I can use.”

“Right,” Alexandria said, her gaze fixed on her mother. “And clothes?” She knew for a fact the Marks and Spencer in the station did not sell attire, and it was unclear how long her mother was planning to stay with her. There were some things she’d be willing to lend to her mum, but there were others you just didn’t share.

“Oh, don’t worry, Alexandria. I’ll just run out in the morning and grab some things. It’s London, for goodness sake, there are shops everywhere.”

She hummed. There were shops nearby, including plenty that sold clothing, but this was so unlike her mother. She felt like she’d never known the woman. Perhaps she never had. Perhaps Susan hadn’t really known herself lately either.

“Did you tell Dad you were going away?”

Susan looked at her as though she’d grown a second head. “No? Why would I tell him that? We aren’t even speaking right now.”

“I know that, but don’t you think he’ll get worried if you just don’t come home for… how long are you planning to stay?”

“Given the mood he’s been in lately, I doubt he’d even care. But he knows my phone number if he wants to find out where I am, and I haven’t been staying there most nights anyway.”

Alexandria nodded. It was such an odd experience watching your fifty-something mother rebelling. She was a very well-dressed and posh rebel, but a rebel nonetheless.

Alexandria couldn’t help but wonder what her childhood might have been like—what she might have been like—if her mother had always been allowed to be like this. “I’m sorry it’s been like that.”

Her mother waved her away, standing up as their train rolled into the station. “Not to worry, dear. It’s never too late to start living the life you want.”

The box in Alexandria’s arms felt like it glowed at the words. She wondered whether that could be true. Her mother certainly seemed to be showing that it was. Only a week into this new life of hers and she was already blooming into a completely different version of herself. All the years of marriage hadn’t crushed who she was and what she wanted, she’d just put that version of herself away.

Was it possible seventeen years wasn’t so much between her and Hailey, either, in the grand scheme of things?

She followed her mother onto the train, shuddering pleasantly when the warmth inside hit her. She had no idea how she was going to find the time and privacy to read the journals, but she was happy for her mum. Even if she would prefer a little notice that she was coming to visit next time.

???

Four days later, Alexandria was figuratively dying, even if she no longer felt like she was literally dying.

She’d woken up on Monday morning with a nightmare of a cold—she was aching, snotty, and her throat felt red raw. She could have done without having to sleep on the couch. As comfortable as it was, it had nothing on a proper bed, especially her bed with its expensive mattress. She’d bought it a couple of years ago after a promotion and she’d been having the best sleep of her life on it. But, with her mother here and all that she had been going through, Alexandria had felt compelled to give it up. They could have shared, she supposed, but sharing a bed with her mum at thirty-five felt more than a little odd to her. It had been a very long time since her parents had allowed her or Daniel to crawl into bed with them after a nightmare, let alone for the whole night. She wasn’t sure they’d ever let that happen, and, even with the changes her mum was making, they just didn’t have that type of relationship.

Between the cold and her mother’s presence, she had been in no place to go to work, but she’d worked from home, giving things her best shot, even though her head felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton wool and things were taking twice as long to understand than usual.

Susan, who had been overly smug about Alexandria being ill and then had confiscated her phone to supposedly limit her opportunities to strain herself further, had popped out early, returning an hour later with a change of clothes. Despite the attitude over Alexandria getting sick, she then proceeded to wait around the apartment for Alexandria to be done with her work. She baked, made lunch, and brought Alexandria multiple cups of tea, which were massively appreciated.

What Alexandria did not appreciate was that the minute she clocked off for the day, her mother jumped up and announced that they would now go shopping together.

Alexandria had groaned and asked whether they had to. When Susan had insisted and talked at length about needing Alexandria to show her around, Alexandria had taken another round of cold medicine and relented.

By the time they returned, she was barely holding on. They’d eaten out at her mother’s request, so she simply made a cup of tea, got ready for bed, and crawled back into her makeshift setup on the sofa. She was out of it before her mum had even finished pottering around the kitchen.

Tuesday had been much the same—work, take her mum out to see London, eat out, come home, crawl into bed, and spend the whole day feeling awful. All while wondering when she’d be getting her phone back.

Wednesday had been a little better. She was still ill, but she was on the mend, which turned out to be a good thing because her mum wanted to buy workout equipment that day. She’d been reading online about yoga and she wanted to give it a go. So they were left lugging home mats and rollers and a bunch of other equipment Alexandria secretly thought it was too early to invest in for someone who hadn’t even tried yoga yet.

And by Thursday, Alexandria’s cold was well and truly on the way out—helpful since she couldn’t deal with being ill for Daniel’s wedding—but she was still feeling awful. She hadn’t had a minute alone to read Hailey’s journals. She hadn’t gotten her phone back yet and so she hadn’t even been able to text Hailey to explain. Now, it was four days later and anything she said was going to seem trite if she still hadn’t read the journals.

She winced, feeling guilty for being annoyed that her mum had moved herself in and taken up all of Alexandria’s time. It wasn’t all Susan’s fault, and Alexandria was glad she seemed to be flourishing, but, especially while being ill, she had needed those evening hours to work on her relationship with Hailey and rest.

Now, she feared their relationship might have been flushed down the loo by her continued silence. If she’d been more with it, she’d have done a better job getting her phone back and living her own life. As it was, she’d been too out of it to comprehend the fact that she was thirty-five and her mother had stolen her phone and was refusing to give it back. All for Alexandria’s own good, apparently…

Plus, she only had two days left before the wedding and no sign of time without her mother. She absolutely needed to read the journals before Saturday. She knew how vulnerable she’d felt mentioning the CDs so she could imagine how Hailey felt handing her those journals. The least she could do was read them in a timely manner.

---