Page 53 of I Always Will

“It’s okay.” And it really was. “It’s not like it’s much of a surprise. You know my mum and dad, they’ve always been kind of uptight and traditional, but she wasn’t okay with him acting like my bisexuality made me weird. She isn’t okay losing her son because he’s taking his wife’s name. I think maybe she’s finally feeling like she and my dad might not be on the same page, and I support her doing what she needs to with that.”

“Yeah, same. It’ll be interesting to see who Susan is without your dad. He has always had that wholeman-of-the-housenonsense thing going on. Hopefully, it goes smoother than when my parents did it.”

Alexandria winced. “Yeah. Though, either way, at least there’s no little kids involved this time.”

Hailey swatted playfully at her, sticking her chin up in the air proudly. “Oi. I was not a little kid. I was a very mature teenager.”

Alexandria laughed. “Are you even a very mature adult?”

Hailey mock-gasped. “Well, I never. How dare you accuse me thusly?”

“Thusly?” she laughed.

“Yes. Thusly. As in I am thusly offended that you think I am anything other than a perfectly mature adult.”

“I’m sure you are.” Alexandria leaned against the doorframe. She didn’t understand why things were so easy with Hailey, how they could have gone through all the things they had, been apart for seventeen years, and still have everything come so naturally the minute they reunited. She felt relaxed and right. How often did that happen to people? She knew that Hailey was the only one in her life that ever made her feel like that.

Hailey scowled comically at her. “I can’t believe you’re doubting me. The absolute cheek of you.”

“Very rude of me, indeed, to come into your home and be so cheeky.”

“It absolutely is.” Hailey’s face cracked back into a smile and she swayed forwards slightly, closer to Alexandria.

Why did all of this feel like a date? Surely Alexandria couldn’t be the only one feeling it?

She watched Hailey for several long moments, her lungs feeling as though they were struggling to function.

“I should, uh, let you get to bed,” Hailey said, stepping back and looking down at the carpeted hallway floor.

“Yeah. You too,” Alexandria replied, straightening up and feeling Hailey’s loss already.

“Well. Feel free to use the bathroom for whatever you like. The shower is pretty self-explanatory. Towels in the cupboard.” She gestured to the door behind her. “And… have a good night.”

“You too.” It was ridiculous but she felt panicked, like there was more she needed to say, like there were a million things she needed to explain and they would make everything right in the world. But, with her heart pounding, the only thing that came out was, “Good night, Hailey.”

Hailey took a deep breath, turning away from her. “Good night, Alexandria.”

Something about her name on Hailey’s lips, or the way she always used her whole name, not some shortened, butchered version of it, caught Alexandria. It twisted inside of her, pulled the lid off things that should be kept secret, and let them out into the world. And, as they stepped away from each other, Alexandria whispered, “I’ve been making mixed CDs for you for seventeen years.”

She felt her whole body burn in shame and quickly stepped into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

In the moments before she heard Hailey moving again, she was certain Haley had heard her hushed confession and worried she was going to burst in and demand Alexandria explain what that meant, or what the purpose of telling her had been. Alexandria kept her back pressed against the closed door and waited, her heavy breathing filling the otherwise silent room.

Finally, Hailey moved again, into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, and Alexandria slid down the door until she was sitting on the floor.

She barely took in anything about the room. She sat on the floor waiting until Hailey exited the bathroom, went into her own room, closed the door, and had been quiet inside for twenty minutes. Only then did Alexandria get up from the floor, pushing down all of her panicked, guilty thoughts, and get ready for bed. She had no idea what she’d been doing coming here and revealing herself so thoroughly, but she knew that, no matterhow comfortable the bed was, she wouldn’t be getting much sleep that night. And, when she finally did fall into a restless slumber, it was one consumed with memories of young Hailey and all the things they could have had together.

Twenty-Two

Twenty-four years ago

“Mum, please,” Alexandria begged, looking up at her mother who was standing in front of the kitchen counter where she was making an apple pie.

“I don’t know, Alexandria, it’s kind of short notice. And do her parents even know she’s here?”

Alexandria winced. “Uh, that’s the other thing.”

“I’m sure it is,” Susan said, watching her daughter with sharp eyes.

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