Page 36 of I Always Will

Hailey could practically hear the cogs in both Susan and Alexandria’s heads turning. She knew Susan had questions about Celia thinking working at Mash-N-Go was a good job—it was, but she was snobby like that. Alexandria was preparing to shoot her mother down without causing too much of a scene if she dared to mention her snobbery out loud. Not to mention how she felt about the wedding being rushed. And sure, it was, but it was very Esme, and, as far as Hailey could tell, very Dan, too. They were a good match.

“Well,” she said, looking at Celia before Susan could run out of self-control and say something, “you’ve got an amazing daughter, she’s got an amazing life and an amazing fiancé, and an amazing job, so… maybe I can get you some amazing mashed potatoes?”

Celia and Esme giggled, looking happily over at Hailey. Hailey pretended not to see the way Alexandria was looking at her like she’d hung the moon.

“That sounds wonderful,” Celia said, looking back at Susan. “Doesn’t that sound great, Susan?”

Susan looked like a deer caught in headlights. She was obviously fighting between wanting to be honest and wanting to be proper and polite. Hailey fought a laugh. The Daleys were so interesting. They’d been kind to her as a kid, but the minute something was off from what they thought they weresupposedto do, it all went to pot.

She cleared her throat. “Indeed.”

Hailey bit down on her bottom lip to avoid laughing. It was probably the best they were getting. Plus, Alexandria’s shoulders relaxed fractionally, and Hailey would take anything that made her feel even the slightest bit better. “Don’t worry, Susan, I’ve got just the thing for you.”

“From a mashed potato bar?” she asked sceptically and in a way that Hailey knew she wouldn’t have if they’d known each other less well. Being around this family was just reminder after reminder that she had basically been family once. And, in turn, the reminder that she could be right now since neither she nor Alexandria were married to other people.

“Let’s not pretend we don’t both love mashed potatoes,” Hailey said, grinning at Susan. Something she’d noticed early on was that it was easier to walk Susan back on things if you pretended to be in it together. Alexandria rarely did that with her mum—understandable, given that, when she needed to push back, she was likely thinking about wanting to be different. Or ensuring those nearby didn’t think she felt the same way simply by virtue of being Susan’s daughter. Hailey had no such qualms. “I’ve got just the thing for you and I know you’re going to love it.”

Susan sniffed but Hailey knew she was interested. “If you ask me, mashed potatoes belong on a roast dinner.”

“Funny you should say that because I was thinking of the turkey roast for you.”

Susan’s expression faltered, softened, and Hailey knew she’d won. It hadn’t really been a fair fight, she’d known Susan long enough to know exactly how she felt about a turkey roast and the special place the meal held in her heart, but she was still glad of the victory.

It had actually been one of the first recipes on the menu. Hailey had spent years refusing to think about how heavily Alexandria had influenced that first menu, even without knowing. Many of the dishes had been based on things she liked, the turkey roast had been there for Susan, a bizarre burger and chips concoction for Mr. Daley, and even spaghetti and mash for Dan. It was like some weird, impossible plan to be prepared for the day Alexandria strolled back in, ready to marry her, and she wanted to impress the in-laws.

She frowned. Alexandria had walked back in, so had her family, and there was a wedding happening. It just wasn’t theirs.

Hailey entered the turkey roast into the system before following it up with Esme’s orders for herself, her mum, and Dan—who was going to join them soon but was not going to be having the spaghetti and mash. Not this time at least. Hailey wasn’t sure if he still ate that, but it was a childhood classic so she was certain it would grab his attention at some point.

As the group shuffled down the counter, looking at all of the toppings and sauces, Susan still not looking completely persuaded by a mashed potato bar, Hailey was left with just Alexandria.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, just for Hailey. She’d said a great many things over the years that were just for Hailey but that didn’t make it hit Hailey any less hard this time.

“For what?” she asked, tilting her head.

“For…” She gestured subtly towards her mum. “Just, all of that. I appreciate it. She’s not a bad person, really. She’s just having a hard time feeling like we’re out of control, I guess. Doing things she wouldn’t?”

“You?” Hailey said, forcing a laugh. “Out of control? I would love to see the day, Daley.”

She both saw and felt the moment they both choked on her words. She had no idea why she’d said that. Or why she’d used that nickname—was it a nickname if it was someone’s actual last name? Whatever it was, she hadn’t used it in years. She had no right to be using it now. It was what she’d call Alexandria when she was being especially teasing and flirty. They’d never explicitly talked about it, but she was sure they both knew. It had no right coming to her with such ease now, as if they hadn’t spent a day apart.

Was it possible to have never really spent a day away from someone? Could they have so completely been a part of you that you’d never really been apart?

Alexandria cleared her throat, looking around the store, though her eyes were too unfocused to really be seeing anything but memories. “Daniel doesn’t have theright kind of joband is getting married too quickly. I’m older and not getting married quickly enough.”

It felt like she’d been stabbed in the stomach, despite Susan’s earlier comments. “Are you dating someone?”

The ferocity with which Alexandria shook her head was a balm to Hailey’s aching soul. “Not at all. I guess I’m not dating enough for her, either. But, she just… wants me married and Daniel single for a while longer.”

“I see.” She looked down the counter to where Dan had joined the group and was excitedly chatting away with Esme. As if this thing hadn’t been awkward enough already, now they were confirming Alexandria was single and available. Hailey’s heart couldn’t handle it. “Well, you don’t need to worry. I’m more than used to your mum. I’m sure you’ll meet someone soon and she’ll end up happy.”

She didn’t know why she’d said that. She resolutely was not hoping for Alexandria to meet anyone. She wanted her to be happy, but… happy with Hailey.

It would have been one thing if Alexandria had shown up happy and married to someone she’d known in the in-between—the time after them and before now—but, now that they were back together and kind of talking, Hailey couldn’t hope for her to be with anyone else. She, herself, didn’t want anyone else, how could she possibly hope that for Alexandria?

“Um. Yeah. Thank you,” Alexandria said, clearly uncomfortable and shutting down. “I’m sure you will too.”

I don’t want anyone else, Hailey’s mind screamed at her, desperate to convey the message to Alexandria. Did it always have to be this difficult?

---