Page 33 of I Always Will

“Who is it?”

Alexandria couldn’t understand Hailey’s tone. She’d said it was okay for Alexandria to not be straight, but she sounded so tense asking who the crush was. Alexandria couldn’t understand why that would be unless she knew it was her and didn’t want to hear it.

She twisted her hands together over and over in the tiny space between her body and Hailey. One word was all she needed to get out. One word could tell Hailey everything Alexandria was trying to say. One word could get this over with.

But the word stuck in her throat. It seemed to choke her, cut off her breath and her ability to swallow. It took root in her trachea and didn’t want to leave. Perhaps it would never leave and she’d be stuck like this forever.

Hailey sucked in a loud, sharp breath. “Is it…”

Alexandria’s head pounded. Her arms felt disconnected from her body. Nothing felt real, but everything felt painful and too much.

“Is itme?” Hailey asked, something lacing her voice that Alexandria couldn’t even begin to process.

The climbing frame was spinning beneath her. She was too far from the ground. The pounding of the rain on the roof was the pounding in her brain and her chest. The whole world froze, nothing but this minute and this question left in existence.

She nodded stiffly.One word.“Yes.”

Her body itched to run away, but she couldn’t figure out how to control it anymore. Nothing felt connected to anything.

And then Hailey laughed.

The odd, emotional sound of it disarmed Alexandria and she couldn’t help but lift her head to look at Hailey.

Drops of water were running down her cheeks and Alexandria just knew they weren’t raindrops.

Hailey was crying.

Alexandria didn’t understand.

“It’s me,” Hailey sobbed, laughing and crying and confused and ecstatic, and Alexandria didn’t understand any of it. “It’sme.”

Of all the reactions Alexandria had tried to prepare herself for, she hadn’t expected this. This was something like happiness. This was something like excitement. This was something like Hailey wanting Alexandria to like her.

How could that be?

She cast her mind back through all of their time together. Her mind was still so saturated with panic that it was hard to see anything clearly, but the tiniest little voice, in the back corner of her mind, wondered whether she hadn’t been the only one feeling something more than friendship in the moments they lay together, when they laughed together, when they cried together, when something happened and the only person in the world they wanted to tell was the other…

Hailey laughed again, looking at Alexandria like she was the whole universe; like she’d come to Hailey in the night and handed her every star from the sky; like she’d built the world around her and made it a million times better than the one they’d known previous to this moment.

It was exactly how Alexandria felt about her, and it stole the oxygen from her lungs, stole her heart from her body, and tied her forever to this incredible girl in front of her.

“It’sme,” Hailey whispered, leaning in.

It was her. It had always been her. It wouldalwaysbe her. Whatever tomorrow brought, whatever came of time and the universe, Alexandria would love Hailey. For every day of their lives, and all the days after. For all of time, Alexandria would love Hailey.

And Hailey… maybe liked her too.

Hailey moved even closer and, while she’d never been kissed before, Alexandria knew they were going to kiss. It was terrifying, but not in the way she’d always thought it might be. It was terrifying and exciting and she wanted it to be perfect, but it felt right in a way she’d never been able to imagine it would before Hailey.

Hailey’s breath caressed Alexandria’s face. There was so little space between them. It would be so easy to close the space, to touch their lips together. And Alexandria wanted that.

She looked into Hailey’s eyes, closer than they’d ever been, more beautiful than they’d ever been, and filled with tears, just as Alexandria’s were.

“It’s me,” Hailey whispered again, smiling beautifully.

Alexandria laughed, weak, tearful, and overcome. “It’s you,” she agreed, and it felt like something heavy grew wings and flew out of her chest, taking with it all of the doubts and fears she’d been carrying about this moment. “It’s always been you.”

Seeming overcome with urgency, Hailey closed the gap between them swiftly, but the kiss was tender, delicate, nervous, and hopeful. Despite the cold, their lips felt warm as they pressed together. Alexandria felt warm, like Hailey and her touch were igniting a fire inside her that would never go out. For as long as Hailey existed, Alexandria’s insides would burn.

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