Page 86 of Bay of Plenty

“Snow was special to you,” I said.

“He was pure and good. We were destined to be together. Even when he had Kingi, I loved him still. I was willing to accept it. Janey said she would tell the cops what my father had done to me. I told her that she’d reported it to Sarge and he didn’t believe her. She said she would find another cop who wasn’t my father’s friend.”

“But CeeCee, wasn’t she doing the right thing?” I asked. I’d committed to honesty with her, so I couldn’t pretend. I was still hoping to get out of this safely. The houses on the beach were in sight. “Even for the wrong reason?”

“And have everyone pity me, point at me, gossip about me?”

“How did it happen, CeeCee?” I clutched my throat, clogged and scoured. “How did you—how did she die?”

“How did I kill her, you mean?” she asked. She punched out a one-note laugh. “Yes, I killed her. I did it.”

I’d hoped, prayed, it was an accident. A door banged shut in my mind.

*

CeeCee tried to wipe her tears with her fingers, but instead, she smeared them into her cheeks like a small child.

We flew over farms toward the rugby club.We were so close.

“I lied, told her Snow agreed to meet her at the trampoline in the campground.” I pictured it next to the shed where her father, Scrumy, used to hang out. “She marched me down the beach to the campground, and we bounced on the trampoline together while we waited. No sign of Snow, of course. I tried to convince her that he had stood her up.

“She said, ‘You never gave him the note, did you?’ She grabbed me, two hands on my arms, like this.” She tightly clasped one of her upper arms. “And accused me of keeping him for myself. She shoved me like she always did—but hard. For the first time, I pushed back. She punched my arm. Instead of taking it, I was furious. All those nights I’d spent thinking what I should have said or done to stand up to her. I gave her a good knee in her stomach. She grabbed me, and we fell onto the trampoline, knees and elbows everywhere. I’m not sure what happened next, but we must have rolled close to the metal coils… and she rolled over the coils and fell onto the grass.”

CeeCee covered her mouth, like that could change her next words.

“It wasn’t far, but she landed headfirst with a thud. I never imagined that a thud onto grass could be such a horrifying sound. Even in the darkness, I could see her face was turned at a scary angle.

“I slid off the trampoline and knelt beside her and said her name over and over. I knew I shouldn’t move her at all. I took all her vitals because I knew how to resuscitate—we’d learned it at school—well, you know. No breath, no pulse, no heartbeat. Took it again, and nothing.”

Oh God. I exhaled. It was an accident. What a relief. I felt so badly for young CeeCee having to cope with this, covering up an accident, living a lie, ruining the rest of herlife. And I thought of Janey’s dad, that this would give him some closure, or answers at least.

She sobbed, wiping her eyes to see. I looked around for tissues, found some in the door pocket, and gave them to her. Through her heaving shoulders, she gasped. “Dead. She was dead. It was my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault, CeeCee.” I put my hand gently on her shoulder. “It was an accident. And the person lying on the ground could have been you.”

CeeCee wrenched away, her eyes and nose streaming.

“I never thought of it like that.” She wiped her face with her sleeve, then the paper towels. “I could have been the one who was lying dead on the ground.” She shook herself. “Well. But I knew everyone would blame me. She was the one people always believed. I wanted to scream, call the police, tell a teacher. How would I explain our fight? What would I tell them that didn’t involve Snow? The last thing I wanted was to get him in trouble. Someone was coming.” She pressed her temples. “It was bloody Hans Otto, walking his cat. I knew I couldn’t wait much longer. Should I drag her across the campground, out to sea? That would be easiest.” She ran a grimy hand across her face. “No, not the sea.”

“The ocean washes up everything in the end,” I said.

She nodded. “Maybe if I took her out to the point to the sharks?” she said. “But how could I get her body to the end of the beach, a mile away, and over the rocks? I looked at the shed right there and thought about getting the trolley from inside.”

“The shed,” I repeated.

“Yes. That’s what made me think about the shed. It had a dirt floor. I had a new plan. I would bury her until I decided on a better place. I’d write a suicide note in herhandwriting—which was my handwriting, by the way. She’d copied my style, taken it as her own. That was Janey—she sucked up everything you had and left you with huge holes. She probably obsessed over Snow because I did. She wouldn’t even let me have that.”

“I’m so sorry.” I paused. “What happened next?”

“I dug and dug. My hands were almost raw, shoving that spade into the ground. After the digging, I thought,What else?I wrote the note, dropped it through the open window onto Janey’s bed, and went to grab the shoes from Janey’s porch. Except their dog barked.”

“Her dad told me that,” I said. I thought how Mr.Saunders would react to this, vindicated that he had heard the dog bark, that it couldn’t have been Janey at the door. How devastated he would be to learn that it was CeeCee, someone he’d trusted all these years.

“I didn’t sleep all night, and my hands were a mess. Early the next morning, I got up and floated in the waves to heal them. Until Sarge waved at me from the beach, my father beside him, holding a towel. Sarge had been to Cazza and Lolly’s first—they’d had a sleepover. My hands still hurt so bad. Sarge stared at my hands and at my father, like he’d seen him in a new light.

“Sarge gave me the news and led me to his car for some pamphlets. His face was distorted like he was holding back tears. At the car, he asked me, ‘What Janey told me yesterday? It was true, wasn’t it?’ I nodded it was true, yes. He asked me if I knew anything about Janey’s disappearance. I told him:I didn’t mean to kill her.”

“Oh, CeeCee,” I said. “What did he say to that?”

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