Page 99 of The Drummer

Anxious hazel eyes search my face with a hint of fear. Being forced to watch her go through this fallout might be harder for me than for her.

“Yeah, pretty much the main story, actually. Just a heads up. Anyone you’ve ever known—like, ever—is going to be trying to contact you within the week. Better turn your phone off and plan to stay hidden.”

I spend the next few minutes relaying the bad news about what it means to be under the celebrity microscope. Then, the really bad news that she’ll be the focal point of the drama.

She seems rocked by the whole thing, but in typical Callie fashion, after absorbing the shock, she settles into determination.

“So what do I do? How can I help?” she asks, taking a stool. Literally, getting down to business.

A smile plays at my lips. “We’re working on that. I explained the whole situation, everything, to our people, and they’re going to put together a response.”

Her knee bounces as her brows knit with concern. Knowing her, she’s probably more worried about us than herself.

I take her hand to reassure her. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. I promise.”

When she shifts to fall against me, I pull her close and instinctively brush my lips on her hair. I will do everything in my power to protect her from this.

“It would be so much better if they just thought I was your girlfriend instead,” she mumbles, and I go rigid. She pulls back with wide, urgent eyes. “I’m sorry! I didn’t… I meant… for Luke’s sake.”

We both know that’s a lie.

My body goes hot, then cold. Instead of the joy I expect, it’s fear coursing through my veins. I’ve been waiting weeks to hear those words, and now I’m paralyzed by them.

Maybe it’s this small dose of reality, or maybe I’ve just been in denial, but suddenly, the thought of officially dating Callie, permanently dragging her into our world, seems impossible. Worse than that. Cruel and pointless.

She hides her face in her hands as she gathers herself together. My brain is screaming for me to say something. To put her mind at ease and tell her I feel the same, but I can’t speak. There are no words in my vocabulary for this situation because I’ve never let myself be in it before.

There’s a reason I’ve never had a serious girlfriend. A lifetime of reasons my starved heart conveniently forgot until this moment.

“I should go check on Luke,” she stutters out, sliding off the stool.

I have to stop her, make her understand, but I don’t know how. All I can think to do is grab her arm and pull her around, even if it means telling a small lie or two.

But I miscalculate the strength of my tug and end up with anirresistible temptation just a breath away. Her gaze locks on mine, and for a brief moment, neither of us knows what to do.

Except I’m the one who invited this. It’s on me to fix it.

“You don’t actually want that, do you?” I say. The words just pour out. “I mean, do you have any idea how hard it would be to date someone like me?”

Her broken heart is all over her face, and I can’t look at it anymore. I stare at the wall instead. My brain isn’t processing things fast enough. The truth keeps changing faster than I can keep up with it. What I want, what is, what should be—all questions I just realized I can’t sort out.

“I’m sorry, Callie. I know you didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to make sure… I mean, even if I really liked you, and I do… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt you, and I’m afraid I would.”

Her weak nod does nothing to soften the blow. The irony that I’m crushing her in my effort not to crush her is not lost on me, but I’ve been so stupid to think this could ever work. Not to mention a total asshole for leading her on. Of course she’d think we were headed toward something. I thought so too until twelve seconds ago.

Until reality slapped me in the face this morning.

Look what’s happened because she was caught having breakfast with one of us. Imagine what it will be when the real shit hits the fan. It’s better for both of us if we face the truth now before it goes too far. Before I can’t do the right thing and end up breaking her like every single relationship I’ve witnessed since I was a kid.

Love destroys people. I’ve seen it over and over and over again. Hell, the tragedy that brought us together is the ultimate testament to what it means to put your faith in another human being.

“Yeah, of course,” she says in an even tone, but I hear thewaver in her voice. See the glossy film settling over her eyes. God, it hurts like hell.

“Um… Yeah, I should go. I…”

She yanks her arm away and stalks toward the hall, probably to flee to Luke’s room.

You know you fucked up when someone turns to Luke for comfort over you.

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