Page 55 of The Drummer

The shadows are closing in again. Cold sensory memories creep through my limbs and freeze around my heart.

I flinch when warmth floods into my hand.

It happens so fast, so seamlessly. Her fingers lace with mine, and I hold on as the memories claw at my soul in a desperate attempt to drag me back.

“I tried to be the responsible one, but failed more times than not. One night…” The hazy nightmare gets caught on my tongue, and I swallow it back down. That moment will always belong to Luke and me alone.

“Anyway, we both ended up in the hospital, along with a ton of headlines the Label was not happy about. Unfortunately, since I’m not Luke Craven, I didn’t get the grace Luke did. They basically gave me a choice at that point—distance myself from Luke and rejoin the band, or they’d drop me. So I had to make a choice. Career or friend.”

“And you chose career.”

I bark a laugh. “No, of course not. I chose Luke, but he wouldn’t let me. We fought about it for days, and then suddenly, he just disappeared. Abandoned his house, his accounts, everything, and stopped answering his phone. No one knew where he went, including me.”

That’s not entirely a lie. Only the timeline. She doesn’t need to know the arguments during “those days” led to the spiral that landed us in the hospital. In fact, the more I talk, the more I realize a lot of this story will have to be edited for public consumption.

And they want me to write an entire book?

“To this day, I don’t know if he ran for my sake or his…” Okay, that one’s a blatant lie. “But the result was the same. I had no other choice at that point. If I couldn’t help him, I had to go back. So I did. Cleaned myself up, got back on track, and was thrilled when our manager called to say he’d finally heard from Luke. That he was here. I came as soon as I could, which was during our quick break before the Calisto Festival.”

“The day you came to breakfast club.” Light returns to her eyes. It’s frightening and freeing how much I want to keep it there. What would it be like to chase the sun instead of where I’ve been for the last year?

“Believe me, I was in shock he not only let me in when Ishowed up, but let me stay the night. It was a short honeymoon, as you saw, but at least we started talking again.”

I smirk when I think about his text.

Come back. I need you too.

I still can’t sort out what that meant, given what I found when I got here.

“He invited me to his party, right?” I manage to keep the irony out of my tone.

“He loves you.” She squeezes my hand as if trying to convince me. “He does, he just hates himself too much to let anyone love him back.”

I wince and look away again. It’s amazing how she figured out in a day something that took me over a year.

“I know. I mean, most of the time I know. It’s hard to believe that sometimes, but I try to keep hoping he’ll let me back in at some point. I don’t know how to help him if he doesn’t.”

A buzz erupts in my pocket, vibrating the space between us. We let go of each other as I reach in for my phone.

TJ. Of course it is.

In any other situation, I’d let the call go to voicemail, but I’ll take a conference room full of angry record execs over continuing this conversation. While I don’t regret anything I said, I’ve had about enough of what I can handle in one dose.

Might as well take the beating while I’m already down.

“I should take this. Give me a minute?” I say with an apologetic smile.

She returns it, and maybe she seems relieved for the interruption as well. That had to be a lot for her take also.

I push to my feet and accept the call.

“Casey, finally! I’ve been texting you all night. I even tried Luke.”

“Yeah… Wait, what? Why would you do that?!”

“You weren’t responding, and I knew you were with him last night. You’re the band now, Casey. You have to answer your phone.”

I scrub at my face and take deep breaths to calm my nerves. “No, I know. I just?—”

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