Page 39 of The Drummer

“Can you find a pair of boxers or something in his drawer?” I call to Callie.

She seems relieved to have something to do, and I know that feeling well. There’s nothing more helpless than watching someone you love destroy themself.

After she hands me the shorts, she heads to the bathroom to see what she can do with that mess. As if I needed more evidence she’s an angel in disguise.

Once we’re alone, I peel back the bedsheet and do my best to slide the shorts on Luke. He’s stopped fighting me now, and even lifts his hips to help. When I finish, I see he’s holding the water bottle on his own, studying me with glazed eyes.

“You shouldn’t have… come back.”

I freeze. My grip tightens on the edge of the sheet.

His face is a mask of pain and confusion, and I swallow the riot of responses in my throat.

“Not now, Luke,” I say instead.

“Yes now. You… You’re better than this.”

I snap a glare at him. “Better than what? You don’t even know what you’re saying right now. So just stop, okay? We’ll talk about it later.”

“Casey…”

“No! I’m serious, dude. I’m not having this conversation with you. Just get some rest and we’ll deal with it in the morning.”

He opens his mouth to respond but must think better of it.Slumping back to the pillow, he’s the picture of defeat. His haunted stare follows my every movement like I’m the freaking sun, moon, and stars. And the part I really hate? It makesmefeel like the dick. Yes, suddenly I’m the villain in my own story.

But I can’t bring myself to apologize. There’s nothing to apologize for. That’s the travesty of this situation. We’re all just sorry about everything and nothing. Just shaking and disgusted and so fucking sad.

I press the heels of my palms to my eyes and try to catch my breath.

Get it together, man. You knew this is what it would be if you came back.

I can’t break now. I have to?—

Footsteps clap behind me, and I quickly drop my arms. With a ragged breath, I shove the pain back down. I’ve stored it there for twenty-five years. What’s a few more hours?

Callie wears a concerned look when she comes into view, and I’m terrified it’s for me, not Luke this time. She can’t know what this is really costing me.

“He’ll be okay,” I say with as much confidence as I can muster. He’s already drifting off again. “We’ll get more water in him a little later.”

“Casey.”

I direct my gaze to her and grit my teeth. Whatever she’s about to say, I can’t hear it right now. Maybe she senses as much when she clamps her mouth shut. After a short pause, she seems to change course.

“Um… you can go enjoy your friends if you’d like. I’ll stay with him.”

And just like that, she punctures the cloud.

A slow grin escapes. I can’t help it. The absurdity of it all…

“Are you kicking me out and telling me to go play with my friends?” I push to my feet with a smirk.

My shoulders feel like they’re caught in a trash compactor. Iroll my strained muscles, trying to relieve some of the pressure. People acknowledge the mental and emotional workout of these incidents, but you don’t hear much about the physical toll. I’ll be sore tomorrow.

“No, that’s not what I meant, I just…” Pink splotches bloom on her cheeks, and it’s almost as cute as her attempt to mother me. “If you want to… I like your company.”

A trickle of warmth seeps in for the first time since she stormed away from me hours ago.

“Well, they’re not my friends, anyway,” I say. “I don’t even know most of them. I’m not sure Luke does either.”

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