Page 105 of The Drummer

I flinch when warm pressure infuses into my arm. She squeezes until I look at her, then takes my hand.

“You’re not Luke. I’m not Elena.” Her tone is gentle but firm. Her eyes bore into mine, reinforcing the message.

Hot liquid drains down my cheeks. I hate it, but I can’t stopit. It’s been trapped inside me for too long. I shake my head, trying to clear it.

“You don’t know that.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “What if I am?”

Isn’t it already happening? This time it’smymess forcing this strong woman to steel herself in preparation to fight for someone else’s soul.

“You know what? Maybe you are,” she says in a determined voice. “But you’re worth the risk to me. You just need to decide if I am. You’ve told me many times I have to start trusting myself. Trust who I am. So do you.”

Trust in who you are.

The man who stood in for Molly when our father lost his temper.

The man who stood by Luke when even he punished me for it.

The man who stood up for the band and took blow after blow to protect a future I’m not even sure I still believe in.

Callie’s words soothe and sting as they echo through my head. I want them to be true. So much. But wanting something does nothing to change reality. We’re not even addressing the other obstacle standing in our way.

I shake my head. “We can’t, though! Don’t you get it? I’ve got maybe three to four months, then I’m gone again. I’m on the road all the time, and even when I’m not, I’ve got obligations and expectations that take me everywhere and?—”

“Casey, stop.” She tugs my hand with an incredulous look, bordering on amused.

“I’m not asking for a ring, here,” she says with a short laugh. “I’m talking about just letting whatever this is develop while it can. We can decide later what to do with it.”

She softens and squeezes my hand. “You can’t force yourself to be alone forever just because other people made some poor decisions. What happened to Luke and Elena… I can’t even imagine what that was like for you, but that’s not going to happen with us.”

“But…”

She cuts me off with a stern look. “Casey, even if you break my heart, you will not break me. You won’t.”

She pulls me toward her.

The second our lips meet, the pressure around my heart releases. The pain, the fear, the loneliness, it all melts away. It will still be waiting for me somewhere in the shadows, but for now, I’m encased in light.

Our kiss deepens with a desperation I haven’t felt before. Hunger and need for more than carnal pleasure. I want substance and time. Trust and hope.

We adjust on the couch until I’m stretched over her, our mouths still fighting to possess and own. Her hands claw at my shirt, scaling my body and spreading hot streaks wherever she touches. If a single kiss could tell a complex story, this is it.

“Casey?” she whispers.

“Yeah?” I breathe out.

“We’re going to be okay.”

I lift my head to find her eyes. When I do, joy like I’ve never felt seeps from my soul onto my lips in the form of a soft smile.

“You think?” I say.

“Yeah.”

Her grin is everything as she traces my jaw and searches my eyes.

It’s impossible not to kiss her again, and I indulge the craving.

She slides her hand up the back of my neck, tangling her fingers in my hair. It feels so amazing to be owned by this person. And she does. I’m hers, in whatever broken, messy way she wants me. There’s no point fighting it anymore. She’s right. This could all end in catastrophe like everything else, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

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