Page 77 of Undertow

“I don’t understand. Is it about the condom? I didn’t mean… We can?—”

“It’s not the condom.”

“Then what?” There’s a tremor in her words now, threatening tears. “Do you not want me?”

You’re theonlything I want.

The. Only. Thing.

I force myself to shake my head. “I don’t. Not like this,” I lie.

“What?Are you serious?”

Somehow I manage to stand firm through my nod. “It’s…”

Oh god.

A stab of pain slices through my entire being.

“Shaw!”

“I can’t do this.”

Her eyes blaze with anger. “Stop it.”

“We’re moving too fast.”

“No!” she cries as she rushes at me. “Liar!”

She shoves my chest, and I rear back a step. “You fuckingliar!I know you want this.”

I shake my head again. “I don’t. This was a mistake.”

I reach for my clothes, stumbling forward when she slams into me again. I catch myself and straighten, turning just in time for a vicious sting on my cheek.

The echo of the slap haunts the air around us as I flinch and look away.

I clench my jaw, both of us breathing hard in the tense silence. My cheek burns, but not nearly as much as my heart. I’m doing the right thing. Thewrongthing for me, the right thing for her, and part of me sighs with relief that I still have enough of my humanity intact to distinguish the two. I may be a monster, but maybe I’m not a demon.

I’m notthem. Yet.

“Why?” she asks, her eyes filling. “Why now?”

I swallow hard, blinking through the vice around my chest. “I’m not who you think I am,” I say before I can stop myself.

“No? Then who are you?”

I shake my head. I can’t answer that. I’ve already said too much.

“It doesn’t matter. Someone you don’t want. Let’s just finish this mission and?—”

“Bullshit,” she hisses, striding forward.

She’s right there, torturing me by being so close and so far at the same time. The only thing I want is inches away and I can’t have it.

“Are you the introspective poet who scavenges for beautiful words?” She pokes her finger into my chest.

Yes.

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