Page 115 of Undertow

She shakes her head and swats at her eyes. “No. I’m not giving up yet. There has to be?—”

“No one can find us together! If someone comes for me, they need to know you’re still on the correct side.”

Fresh tears assault her eyes, but she finally gets up and joins me on the porch. She kneels beside me but hesitates again.

“You have to trust me. This is my world. This is the story I’ve known my whole life,” I explain softly. “Just let me die knowing you’ll be okay. Please.”

Understanding mixes with resentment as she processes what I’m saying. After another long pause, she gives in.

The metal pinches my wrist in a clear testimony to her anger.

“This is bullshit,” she mutters.

I don’t argue. Itisbullshit, but that changes nothing.

“Now what?” she asks impatiently.

“I wait. You go to bed.”

Her eyes dart to mine, now angry. “I’m not leaving you here like this.”

“I won’t be able to get away.” I tug on the metal for emphasis.

“That’s not what I mean,” she snaps.

She forces in a soothing breath.

“Shaw. Jonah. Listen to me for a second.” Her expression is soft and imploring as she lifts a palm to my cheek. Her thumb moves over my skin as she searches my eyes.

“I’ll be okay,” I say before she can continue. “Please, just go to bed.”

I don’t want you to see the rest.

The rest.

I’m not exactly sure what’s coming for me, but I know I don’t want her here when it does.

“I love you,” I whisper. “I’m sorry. If I could go back, the only thing I’d change is telling you that sooner so I could spend more time proving it to you.”

She blinks back emotion as she leans in and brushes her lips on mine. “I love you too. You’ve already done enough to prove it. I’ll see you tomorrow. We’ll figure this out.”

“Julia, wait.”

She stops and turns back, hope in her eyes. I hate that I have to kill it again.

“Four, six, one, three, nine, one,” I say.

Her brow lifts, and I swallow the ache in my chest. “The passcode for my phone. My real one. If something happens to me, can you contact Gramps? Tell him the truth and that I love him. Tell him how grateful I was for the chance he tried to give me, and I’m sorry.”

She blinks away more tears as she nods.

“And maybe, you could also keep my notebook?” My voice cracks on the subtle plea.

Please don’t let me be erased.

A choked sob escapes her as she wipes at her eyes. “I will treasure it, Jonah. I will memorize it until it’s part of me too.”

Despite everything, a smile crests on my lips. “Thank you. Then, maybe my story will have a better ending after all.”

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