Page 15 of Amaris Rejected

“I don’t think that’s too much to ask, given your past actions.”

"Amaris," he pleads, "I really don't want a divorce. I want to have a real conversation with you."

"You mean like the one you should’ve had with me three years ago?" I shoot back flippantly.

He looks as if I struck him. "I deserve that." "Yes, you do. However, I don’t want to have any conversation with you except one about our children," I snap sharply.

"Children?" Devon looks confused.

Feeling deeply ashamed of my callousness and am remorseful for being so cruel, I reply gently, "In the manila envelope, there’s also a copy of a scrapbook documenting my pregnancy journey and the birth of our twins. We had a son, Zeke, but he was too weak to survive. If you’d like, I can take you to his sometime."

I lower my gaze to give him a moment with his grief as he breaks down. "A son? Zeke?” he sobs pitifully.

I nod. "I… I had too much stress from the rejection and work. It caused early labor." My voice trails off. "His lungs weren't fully developed. Zoe struggled too, but she was stronger." I finish quickly, ripping off the Band-Aid.

Devon jumps to his feet. "I-I need a moment. I-I can't…" He opens the door and once again does what he does best—the disappearing act. This time, though, I understand. It’s a harsh reality to face, knowing that your actions have caused such a devastating consequence.

Devon

I wolf out completely. As soon as I leave the pack house, Rue takes over my body. Shifting midair, my clothes explode off my hide. We run like never before. The wind whips through my fur, and a fire-like agony burns in my heart. How much loss can a wolf endure? Nothing is more devastating than learning of the loss of another pup.

I'm reminded of the days after the Meet-and-Greet. Jeni told her parents and then me that she was pregnant. Though it's rare for wolves to conceive with someone other than their mate, it can happen. Still, I couldn’t sense any pup on her. It was early in the pregnancy, and Rue wasn’t cooperating, but he agreed with me—there was no pup.

Given his near-feral state, I couldn’t be sure. I was unable to get close to Jeni without him trying to attack her. He was furious that we had left our mate for her and was living in a constant state of murderous intent.

It got so bad that Dad even stopped trying to force me to mate with Jeni while we waited for her to give birth. I could not marry anyone else since I was already married to Amaris.Then, not long after, Jeni shattered me when she broke the news that she had miscarried.

That was the day I lost Rue, but not before he laid my mind to waste. It was a terrible time for me.

“You left our mate for Jeni because she told you she carried our pup! Jeni is a liar. I told you not to leave our mate. Mate is special!” Rue shouted, foaming at his maw inside of my head. “Find mate!” He howled frantically, then became deranged, clawing, scratching, and ripping through the insides of my mind and soul.

When Rue finally stopped his rampage, my consciousness was in shambles. He then crawled into the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind and wouldn’t be roused unless a female approached with more than friendly intent. It wasn't until the day we found Amaris again, three years later, that he finally re-emerged. It was like taking a breath after being underwater for too long. Seeing Amaris made me feel alive again.

I'm not sure how Rue led us here, but when I became aware again, I found myself lying in my fur on a grave. The headstone reads:"Zeke Richland Wright, precious son of Amaris Richland Wright. Left my heart too soon."My wolf howled a heart-rending, keening wail that echoed through the trees. Sympathetic cries answered, drifting on the wind. I curled into a fetal position, and my mind was lost in the desolation.

Hours later, after the moon had risen and deepened the night, I resurfaced and reclaimed my skin.I had spent the day in a fugue state, lying prone on my pup’s grave. Unlike with Jeni’s pup, I keenly felt this loss differently. There was no question that beneath the soil's surface lay a pup that was ours. Even after all this time, I knew he had called me from miles away.

I rise slowly and walk back toward Alpha Blake's pack house, where I’ve been offered a place to stay while Amaris and I reconnect. When I enter through the back door, I realize the place is quiet. It must be well past midnight.

As I take the back stairs to my room, I enter and see the manila envelope and file folder lying on the bed, left behind during my tormented escape. I pull on a pair of sweats from my bag and sit down. Gently, I touch the manila envelope and open the flap. Inside, I find a small photo album and what appears to be a photocopied scrapbook.

My heart warms, and a genuine smile spreads across my face as I flip through studio portraits of Zoe. One shows her in a washtub, surrounded by bath toys with a towel draped over a tiny chair. She’s about a year old, sporting a wide, sparsely toothed grin.

In the next photo, she looks older. Still flashing that beautiful smile, she wears a floral lace dress and a white straw hat. Her tiny hands are adorned with delicate lace gloves as she holds a miniature white parasol.

I take the photos out of the album and spread them across the bed chronologically, starting with the newborn picture, where she’s so tiny she would’ve fit in my hands, all the way to the Zoe I recognize today. Goddess, I’ve missed so much—her first smile, her first tooth, her first steps, her first words. Tears stream down my cheeks.

"Our pup,"Rue croons sadly, feeling the loss as much as I do.

I hesitantly open the scrapbook. The first pages are filled with photos of my beautiful Amaris blossoming during her pregnancy. As I turn each page, Rue and I ache, watching the circles deepen under her haunted eyes each month. As her health falters, her unwavering smile belies the toll she’s enduring. Her body grows progressively thinner while her stomach swells with my pups.

Then, there are photos of her after the birth, cradling our pups in her arms. Her face is tired yet glowing with happiness. But as I reach the last photo, my stomach churns with nausea, and I fight the urge to vomit. In this picture, Amaris holds a pup against her chest. I assume this is Zeke. Her face shows pure devastation, and I can almost hear her sobs through the image. It hits me like a punch.

I should’ve been there. I would’ve been there. Why did I feel such an obligation to my childhood friend that I abandoned Amaris? Why did I put Jeni first? Deep sobs wrack my body as I collapse back on the bed.

Sleep eludes me, making the night long and torturous. My tears are dry, and my soul feels wrung out, leaving only the taste of salt on my tongue.

A knock sounds at my door, and Alpha Blake enters. "You doing okay, Devon?" he asks kindly.

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