Page 54 of Calm Before the Score

What is he doing here?

Even though we are broken up, my body reacts to his presence. My cheeks warm, taking in his hard muscles captured under a black t-shirt. My eyes wander down his body. He has on jeans tonight, and they wrap perfectly around his firm thighs. I shouldn’t have these thoughts, but with Ryan, it’s automatic. We are magnetic forces that always seem to gravitate toward each other. I look down at my drink and try my best to disappear before he sees me. I’m too drunk and emotional to see him tonight. I'm not ready to discuss the past, yet.

I spot Liza and Hartley talking on the edge of the dance floor and make a beeline straight to them. Drunk Hartley doesn't need to deal with my drama, so I pull Liza away from him to fill her in.

“Can we go to the bathroom? I need to check my makeup,” I lie to get Liza away from Hart.

“Sure!” I grab her hand and weave through the crowd to the musty bar bathroom. Once we’re locked into the one-stall room, I spill everything.

“He’s here,” I say.

“Ryan?” she gasps. “I haven’t seen him out in months! I’m so sorry, Vi. We can make an escape plan and go back home,” she looks at me with genuine concern in her voice. She knows how broken I’ve been without him the past few months.

“I don’t want to run away, but I also don’t want to be around him,” I say, sounding pathetic, but I know I don’t have the strength to face him tonight, but I'm having fun for the first time since we broke up. I'm not ready for it to end.

“Say no more. We’re glued together for the rest of the night!” She laces her arm with mine.

We freshen our lip gloss and walk out of the bathroom. Greeting me outside the women’s door is a wall of muscles that scream familiarity. I ran smack into his chest in the tiny hallway.

“I… I… I’m sorry,” I fumble over my words, trying to stick to my plan of avoiding my ex tonight.

He clutches my arms and tilts my chin up to his. My mind goes blank when I lock eyes with him, and all the noise from the bar goes silent. It’s just him and I in the hallway. I forget that anything bad ever happened between us. I forget that he shattered my heart into a million little pieces. All I see in my drunken stupor is the gorgeous man I adore right in front of me.

“We need to talk,” he whispers, gently circling his thumb across my chin.

My best friend cuts in, “That’s not happening tonight. She’s drunk. I was given specific instructions less than two minutes ago to keep her glued to my side!”

“Liz, I would never hurt her,” Ryan replies with a pained voice. His response snaps me out of the trance only this man could lock me in.

I step out of his arms and cross mine over my chest. “You did hurt me.”

“I know. Please, just a few minutes. After that, I won’t bother you the rest of the night,” His pleasing eyes search mine, begging, and I’m weak for this man.

“Okay." I sigh, then point my finger in his face. "But Liza has to stand as a bodyguard to keep me from making bad decisions.”

“Fair,” he replies with that smirk that has brought me to my knees more times than I can count.

“Let’s go out the alleyway. It’s usually empty. Liz, can you wait by this door?”

“You have ten minutes before I bust out and take her. Your time starts now!” Liza says, trying to act tough. She couldn’t be more harmless if she tried.

Ryan leads me out the back. We sit on one of the two wrought iron tables set up. No one ever comes out here. It’s peaceful without the loud noises of the club inside. I wait patiently to let him lead this conversation. I need him to say something first and set the pace.

“First of all, the last few months have been the worst of my life." He folds his hands on the table in front of him. "I spent some time locked away in my house because I didn’t know how to face anyone after what I did.” His hands clamp together tighter, white outlines framing his knuckles.

“I went to talk with my mom a few days ago. I felt lost, and I needed some sort of direction. I’m seeing things differently.”

“How is that?” I pick what left of my poor fingernails.

“None of it matters. Football has always been just a job. I can find another one. My mom never wanted or needed saving. She’s at peace with her life. I’m the one that did.”

“You never needed saving, Ryan,” I say truthfully. He was always perfect in my eyes, but I know our own mind can be the darkest of places.

“I’m better, you know? I talked to Coach and the athletic director. I even called the team together to give them everything they wanted to know,” he explains. “Hartley was the toughest. He’s still hurt, and I get it–” Before he can finish, I cut in.

“You talked to Hartley?”

“Yes.”

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