Page 38 of Calm Before the Score

I push the button to unmute Logan. “Send it over.”

I hang up before he can answer.

Walking back into the apartment, I see Violet sitting on the couch, flipping through shows, trying to decide what to watch. My head is all over the place. I push my thoughts and poor decisions aside because I don’t want to ruin this night between us. She already had to deal with my moody departure at the banquet. I don’t want to give her any more reasons to worry or doubt me.

I grab her favorite purple blanket out of the little chest, which she swears keeps the blanket organized, and slip my body beside hers. It’s coated with fur and sheds like a dog in the summer. The fur gets in her mouth when she snuggles with it, and I laugh every time she makes a sour face to get the pieces off her tongue.

She looked sexier than ever tonight at the banquet, but I prefer this version of her. She’s wearing her flannel pajamas and fuzzy socks, hair thrown up in a messy bun, her face shiny and bare with no makeup. She always has a thin layer of chapstick applied, making her full lips glisten. Her head rests on my broad shoulder, with my arm wrapped around her waist. She curls intoa little ball under the fluffy blanket. I could care less what is on. Instead, I stare down at the sleepy girl nuzzled beside me. I would watch this on repeat for the rest of my life.

After an hour, Violet's breathing becomes steady– drifting into a deep sleep on my shoulder. I selfishly leave her there instead of waking her up because I love the way her head feels resting on my shoulder. I begin sweating, so I move her an inch to take my shirt off. Now, her cheek is placed on my bare chest. Her soft breaths hit me with warmth. Focusing on her body’s response helps take my thoughts away from the decision I made tonight. I’m betting on a Springs U game, something I swore I would never do, but the money is too good to pass up. Mom’s care is more important than my potential football career.Keep telling yourself that.I bargain with my own thoughts and convince myself that it is ok because I’m betting on us to win, not lose.That counts for something, right?This had better be the shortest week of my life so I could move past this without getting caught by the NCAAor the angel lying on my chest.

***

I stayed at Violet’s for the rest of the weekend. We had lazy days filled with binge-watching her favorite shows and ordering late-night pizza in between last-minute playoff prep with the team. Liza and Hartley have been here, too, so it’s been nice not to be alone all the time. Spending more time with Violet and Hartley shows me how much they deeply care for each other. Violet keeps him on a straight path, and Hartley pushes her to live a little. I’m such a hypocrite praising Violet for keeping Hartley straight when I haven’t given her a chance to help me.

The whole weekend, my mind was at war with wanting to give in to the nagging urge to tell her my secret, but I couldn't do it. Monday rolls around, and I have a packed schedule. Violet andI walk hand in hand to the class we share together. It’s quickly become my favorite class of the semester. When I look at her, she seems distant. Her usual frantic body language seems oddly withdrawn. Calm isn’t a good sign when it comes to my girl.

“Is everything ok?” I ask.

“Yes." She nods her head a few times, but her face morphs into a frown. "No." She shakes her head. "Not really, but it’s nothing for you to worry about,” she replies nervously, picking at her fingernails. I pry further. I’m a fixer, after all.

“Please, baby, tell me,” I plead with her. I expect her to share her thoughts with me, but I can’t reciprocate.Hypocrite.

“I’ll tell you, but please don’t worry. I’ll figure it out,” she says dryly.

“Hit me.” I’m not promising anything. I’m a bulldozer, and if it’s something I can fix, I’ll do it.

“I got an email from the financial aid department this morning. They are cutting my financial aid amount because of ‘budget cuts’. I’m just stressed about money, but I applied at a few restaurants downtown. I just hope I have enough time to save up before next year’s fees are due.” She bites her fingernails the entire time she rattles on about this situation.

I’m fuming. How could they take her money away? Violet is wicked smart, and Springs U would risk losing her because of stupid budget cuts? We have guys barely scraping by on the team riding full scholarships. She shows up early to class, takes extra credit hours to get ahead, and completes her assignments weeks in advance. College isn’t fair.

“Let me help you apply for jobs,” I hold both of her hands in mine and rub circles on the back of them with my thumbs.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you or Hartley. I don’t want you two worrying about me. I can fix this. I just need time to find a job, and then, I’ll be fine.”

“What if time runs out? You’re not dropping out.”

“If I have to sit out a semester, it won’t be the end of the world. I’ll still graduate.” I’m just now noticing the red rings under her eyes.Has she been crying?

My voice goes deep, turning serious, “You’re not sitting out a semester and wasting away. I will find you a job before that happens.” She’s so stubborn. I won't allow her to sit out a semester because of financial aid money.

“Just let me try to handle this on my own first.Please.”

I look into those beautiful eyes that make my world spin. My shoulders lower as I sigh. “Alright.”

We walk into class and don’t speak for an hour and a half. Violet takes notes, listening to our old professor babble on about a book that is at least one hundred years old. I couldn’t care less about it. My eyes find Violet every few minutes.

There’s no way I’ll let my girl waste away next semester. She’s the most driven person I’ve ever met, and I can’t swallow the thought of her losing her chance at her dreams. I’ll research job openings in the area tonight. I can make calls to the connections that we have through the football team, too. I wish I weren’t stretched so thin with medical bills and hiding how I’m getting the money so quickly. If I wasn’t, I could help Violet more than just searching for jobs to apply for. I would do this for her if I could.

25

Ryan

It’s playoff day. I arrive early to the field to get reps in before the rest show up. I left Violet’s apartment about an hour ago, leaving a jersey for her on her bed. There’s no way she’s wearing some other idiot’s jersey instead of mine tonight. She’s mine, and it’s about time everyone in the stadium knows it. Her eyes sparkled, and she did a little dance when she spotted it. She flew to her closet and threw it on. Seeing her in those itty bitty shorts withmy nameon her back filled my head with bad intentions.

God, I love her.

Drifting in and out of thought,I run my body ragged on the workout machines to keep my head focused on the present moment instead of my potential downfall. Logan texted me this morning to confirm my picks for the day, and tonight, I should have a good chunk of change in my account to put towards my mom’s medical bills. We’re three hours away from start time, and I’m buzzing with nervous energy. I put my head down and grind through my workout. My muscles scream at the intense pace, with sweat dripping down every inch of my skin. I usually don’t push this hard on game days, but I need it mentally today.Once I’m done, we’re two hours out from game time, so I decide to put my earphones in and disassociate.

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