Page 35 of Calm Before the Score

The negative thoughts have been haunting my mind all week. I can’t stop thinking about my decisions. How they will impact my future career and Violet’s perception of me nauseates me to my core. I’m a college athlete that’s in his prime. The world is at my fingertips. When she finds out, I won’t be any better than a scumbag on the street. My mind has been at war, wanting desperately to be honest with her.

Some nights, I want to run to her, throw my guts up, and tell her everything that has been haunting me. Other nights, I stay up plotting how to keep this a secret so she won’t ever have to find out. I don’t ever ask people for help because they wouldn’t understand. Having people in my business and relying on them for help scares me.

Logan confirmed my first round of bets a few days ago. If I win, the payout will come through the night of our game after all the teams finish out. I still have some sort of moral compassand didn’t bet on my own game. I couldn’t handle facing the disappointment of my teammates, and it was too risky.

What about your girlfriend’s feelings?

I’m a screw-up. Before Violet, the goal was simple: make it to the league and pay off the medical bills. Even then, football wasn’t my dream. It was a means to an end to provide for my family. Now, I’m realizing that I want more out of my life than going through the motions. I want my relationship to last and come home to her in those flannel pajama shorts after a tough loss. I envision grabbing her by the waist while she's cooking in our kitchen and kissing the sensitive skin on her neck. I want to surprise her with candy and Icees after a long day of studying. I would do anything for her.Anything except confessing my secret.

You’re only going to cause her pain. Give it up now. Let her find someone that’s worth something.

I hate the voices in my head, but they’re telling the truth. I add nothing to Violet’s life. She’s a rule follower and has a clear path. She'll be disgusted with me if she finds out about my illegal sports betting. She’ll never want anything to do with me again, and the blood of our failed relationship will be on my hands.

My thoughts consume me the entire drive to her apartment.This may be the last night you have with her. Make it special.If this is one of my last happy memories with my girl, I want every detail tattooed on my brain. Committing how she smells to memory and snapping mental pictures of how her body responds to mine when I move closer to her. I want the touch of her smooth skin laced in my heart. I knock on the apartment door, and an already buzzed and unruly Hartley answers.

“Come in, dude. We started the party without you.” He slaps my back and brings me in for a bro hug. He’s wearing a navy blue suit with a shiny gold tie and sunglasses.

“The girls are tied up in Vi’s room, getting ready. Want a drink?” He offers me a beer, but I don’t want anything to cloud my thoughts tonight. The only thing I want to intoxicate me is Violet.

“Nah, man, I’m good. No drinking in public rule is still in effect.” He nods, and we sit on the couch while waiting for the girls to finish getting ready. We make small talk about our upcoming playoff game and game plan. Every time football comes up, bile rises in my throat, and I do my best to throw on a believable poker face. Thank god the sound of heels clicking down the hallway jolts me from this conversation. My beautiful girl turns the corner into a perfect view.

“Jesus.” I tip my head back and run my hands over my face. Violet is a ten in anything she wears, but this is insane. My feet move to meet her and instinctively grab her hips. My hands were made for her body.

“Do you like it?” she asks shyly. She has no idea that she’s killing me, and I’m debating ditching this stupid banquet altogether to spend my sweet time kissing her all night.

“You do things to me, Violet,” I groan into her ear. Those goosebumps that I love so much appear. My hands rise to the back of her dress. That’s when I found my girl’s bare skin exposed to me.Christ, I’m not going to make it through this event.My chin rests on her shoulder while I explore every inch of her exposed skin. “Baby,” I plead with the girl who controls my body’s every reaction.

She turns her head slightly to give me a kiss on the cheek. Her light pink lip gloss imprints on my cheek, and I don’t make the slightest move to wipe it off.

“I picked it out just for you.”

“If we don't get out of this apartment soon, you and I aren’t leaving.” I groan against her, lift her body slightly off the worn wood floor, and worship the sight in front of me. Her makeupis much heavier than usual, drawing attention to those piercing blue eyes. Once we come back to reality, we leave the hallway, meeting Hartley and Liza in the kitchen. Liza is sporting matching sunglasses with her date, and they are both taking tequila shots. Those two are perfect for each other.

“Woo hoo!Let’s go, guys.” Liza throws her hands in the air and heads out the door, Hartley following behind her. I’ve never seen Hartley hang on a girl’s every move. Before Hartley walks out the door, he turns and stares at me.

“Take care of her.” Hartley glances to Violet as she twirls Liza around to admire her outfit.

He’se giving me his trust, and I’m on a straight path to screwing it all up.

Violet

This banquet is bougie. I’m not talking about college girl chic, this is a level of class I’ve never seen before. I’m not accustomed to fancy things, and taking it all in is a bit overwhelming. Each table is decked out with champagne glasses, faux diamonds, and sleek black placemats. The venue is huge, with enough room for a banquet-style buffet meal and dancing.

All of the Springs U players are here with dates. Seeing the girls with perfect hair, makeup, and stunning dresses makes my heart sink to my stomach. I allow myself a small moment of self-doubt. I don’t fill out this dress like some of the others. Liza assured me more than one hundred times before leaving the apartment that I looked hot, but it’s hard to believe it. My hair is pulled into a stylish bun with pieces cascading down both sides of my face. Self-doubt isn’t new to me, but I restrain it the best I can.

Ryan looks incredible in his dark gray suit, bold golden watch, and black dress shoes. His hair is combed to one side. He’s striking, like a male model straight out of a magazine. His tattoos peek out from under his suit, on full display.

Before we find our table, Ryan stops. His hand grazes my back, then carefully rubs across the back of my neck. He pauses for a moment and squeezes my neck tighter than usual. The feeling of his tattooed hand grabbing me sends a jolt of electricity and heat throughout my entire body. He’s my kryptonite. Ryan continues and guides us to our table as if he didn’t just send me into a flustered spiral. We are seated next to Hartley and Liza. They're both buzzed and on their way to being wasted before the night ends. Hartley parties hard, but I think he’s met his match with Liza.

Ryan leans over, kisses my cheek gently, and whispers, “It’s taking all of my self-control not to bring you to the bathroom and show you how much you affect me.” My face flushes with heat, and my belly stirs with butterflies. No one has ever spoken to me like this before, and I love the reaction it elicits from my body.

“What’s stopping you?” I ask with a sultry tone to my voice.

Before I can think about it, he grabs my hand and guides me to a private place. I love this man with my entire soul. Ryan guides us through the throngs of people on the dance floor into the single-stall restroom, not bothering to click the lock behind. He lifts me onto the counter with little effort and pushes my legs open to fit his large body in between. His calloused hands rub up and down my thigh, causing my head to tilt into his chest. Even with the silky fabric of my dress between us, I’m stunned by the heat traveling up my core.

“Ry, anyone can walk in,” I mutter, finding it hard to form a sentence.

“Good. Let them. They’ll see the hottest girl in the building with me. That way they'll know you're mine.”

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