Page 49 of Calm Before the Score

“I knew when you found out, it would be over. I’m selfish. I wanted to hold on to us as long as I could before you left me.”

“That’s how little you think of me?” she asks with a heart-shattering expression. Her crying has kicked up. She gasps for air in hyperventilation.

“Baby, breathe,” I rub her back gently to calm her down. It’s killing me to see her like this. It’s worse knowing I caused her pain. She takes a few deep breaths to gather her composure before she continues.

“You thought I would bolt if you leaned on me?” she asks the question again.

“You’re too good for me,” I blurt out without answering her question.

“Run then, Ryan. Run from me. All I ever needed from you was the truth, and you shattered my trust.” She stands to leave my side. I know I need to say something to stop her from leaving, but this move feels permanent.

“Please,” I beg.

“You broke me.” She looks back to me. “And I loved you more than anything I ever had.” She slams the door behind her, leaving me on her top step like Romeo. Lost and wrecked so completely.

“Me too,” I whisper under my breath. I make it to my car and collapse my forehead against the wheel. I punch my steering wheel, yet again, opening up old wounds. When my head lifts to start my car, it’s dark outside.

32

Violet

Isink into my spot on the worn couch. It now has a permanent dent because I haven’t moved from it much within the last twelve hours. My hot-headed best friend swarms me instantly from our kitchen table.

“What did that jerk say?” he asks, pacing the space in front of me.

I shake my head. “I don’t have it in me to talk about it,” I answer with no emotion left to give.

“Violet, I swear if he said anything stupid,” he throws his hands in the air.

“I just need time to process this,” I square my shoulders.

“Did he explain everything? Most importantly, why did he act like such a tool at the bar?” Hartley’s face is beet red. He continues to pace back and forth, increasing my anxiety with every step.

“I don’t need all the details to know he lied, and I can’t do this anymore.” My sky-high walls are rebuilding by the second. Ryan managed to bulldoze them down to a place I hardly recognized. I’ve learned that people leave more than they stay. Whetherthat’s dying or bolting, Hartley's been my only constant. I thought Ryan would be the exception, but I was wrong.

“It’s everywhere, Vi. He placed bets onourgames.” Hartley is hurt, too. He won’t admit it, but his friendship with Ryan was growing. He’s all about loyalty, and the team means everything to him.

“I saw it on the TV at the bar last night while I was trying to get him to tell me what was going on,” I explain.

“It’s bad. He won’t be allowed to play anymore,anywhere,” Hartley explains what I already knew in my heart.

“He did it for her,” I try to defend him even though I’m beyond mad at the man who broke my heart mere hours ago.

“Who?”

“His mom.” My eyes meet Hartley's.

“What are you talking about?” Hartley is understandably confused, but this isn’t my story to tell.

“It’s not my place to tell his story, but I know him well enough to know he wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t his last resort. ”

“No reason is good enough to do something like that to the team. He ruined his career and let us down.”He plops down next to me and runs his fingers through his hair. His eyes are wild. His pupils are dilated from screaming.

“You’re right. I wish I had more answers, but my gut tells me there’s more to the story,” I explain. “I can’t see him right now.” My eyes well with tears. My skin is raw and dry from crying all night. “All I see is betrayal.”

“Come here,” Hartley hugs me tight like a father would if I had one. I cry into his chest until I have nothing left. The last thing I remember is falling asleep against my best friend, wrapped in my favorite fluffy blanket.

My eyes flutter open, and I rub the sleep from my eyes. I was able to get a few hours of solid sleep, but I decided to skip class anyway. I need a solid day to recover from the storm that hit methis weekend. I also don’t want to see Ryan in our Monday class. I know we have to have another conversation at some point, but I’m not ready to see the boy I loved so deeply in person. The betrayal is etched in my heart, but I can’t help but let my mind wander to the what-ifs.

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