Page 75 of Redd

Chapter Sixteen

Bijou

––––––––

Icouldn't breathewhen he told me he killed his father. My voice was lost in a rush of hot and cold fear as I looked into the eyes of a murderer.

He killed his own father. . .

My brain twisted into a ball, trying to grasp what he had done. It was impossible.

“You don't really mean that.”

Narrowing his eyes, he held my gaze. “It's not a lie, Bijou. I killed my father, shot him where he stood.”

Every breath I tried to take in felt like needles stabbing my lungs and puncturing my heart. My life had been passed between two evils. From one hand to the next it was all the same, only the face had changed.

Why would he do that?

“Are you alright?” he asked, attempting to reach up and touch my arm.

Backing away, I crossed my legs and cupped my hands in my lap. His eyes surveyed my face, trying to see inside my head.

“Say something, Bijou.”

What was I supposed to say?

He gave me the answer I asked for, and it wasn't what I expected at all.

“Bijou, talk to me. What are you thinking?”

Shaking my head, an uneasy smile manipulated my lips. “What am I thinking. . .” Scoffing, I let out a weak laugh. “I'm wondering how the hell you can sit there and tell me you would never hurtme,and yet you were able to kill your own father.”

“It's not what you think, so please try not to judge me.”

“Judge you?” Snapping my shoulders square, I jerked my head up. “Are you serious?”

Sitting up straight, he pointed towards me. “You wanted to know, you're the one who insisted on hearing it. This is why I didn't want to tell you, because of this right here.” Swirling his finger, he circled my face.

“So it's my fault, the way I feel right now is my fault?” The shock I felt over hearing his answer started to wear off, pushing anger up into its place. “Don't you try and make this about me, this is about you.”

I had put him on a pedestal, allowing myself to look at him like he was a god, a savior who had been sent to rescue me. He wasn't. He was no different than the man I was running from.

What the hell was I thinking? How did I not see it?

All the time I spent conditioning myself to see beneath the surface had been fruitless. I hadn't been able to see what he kept hidden. I missed all the signs.

Where there even any signs at all?

Sitting across from him, I tried to think of an action, a sentence, anything that should have stood out to warn me. I came up empty.

“Okay, I'm sorry, you're right.” Holding up his hands, he waved a white flag. “You're absolutely right. I did something horrible—but I need you to understand, it wasn't something I planned. It happened, I snapped. But I had to do it, I didn't have a choice.”

With fire in my eyes and stones in my gut, my voice turned into razors. “You snapped? That's your excuse?” Jumping to my feet, I paced across the carpet, tearing at my hair. “So what happens the next time you snap, huh? Is that what the other day was, when you pinned me against the wall? Was that you snapping, Redd?”

Long lines crept up his forehead, eyebrows drawing up high. “I controlled it, Bijou, I was able to stop it.”

Throwing my arms up in the air, I couldn't stay still. “Well that's good then, that changes everything! You controlled yourself, bravo!” Clapping my hands together, I gave him a round of applause.

---