Page 73 of Pushed

Could she see what I felt? Could she hear my heart beating for her?

My lips arched and curled to form the letters, but I couldn't find the voice to transform them into sound. Letting her hear me speak those words meant I was walking away from something real. It meant willingly abandoning a hopeful future for a past I couldn't change.

And it meant breaking a promise that ran far too deep to take back.

Her long lashes lowered, blanketing her gaze. A tight frown perched on her lips as her hand lifted to my cheek. “I know, you don't need to say it. But if I can't have it, if I can't live it, I can't say it either.”

Brushing my lips against hers, I spoke softly, letting her feel my words. “I promise when you leave here, I'll find you. Some how, some way, I will find you. Even if it's just in your dreams, I'll be there.”

Her mouth pushed onto mine, filling my chest and heart with the strength I needed to move forward. There was understanding in her kiss, an unspoken permission to do what I needed to do.

Holding her face, I pressed my forehead to hers, peering deep into her eyes. I wanted to remember right then, the way she looked, the way she felt in my hands, the way the cheap shampoo feathered its way into my nose.

I never wanted to forget that moment.

A single teardrop rolled over her cheek, splashing into the water below. Stroking her thumb up and down over my jaw, she sniffled. “I hope you do, Machi, I really do.”

Releasing her, I stood up and took a step back, wiping my hands down my face. “I'll be in the hall, come out when you're done.”

Nothing was going to change what was happening; Imperial was being sold.

But I hoped she could forgive me.

Because I wasn't freeing her the way she wanted me to, I was ending years of suffering my own nightmares.

None of this was fate, it was choice.

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