Page 17 of Pushed

He brought food.A sandwich. . . I knew what that meant; I wasn't going anywhere.

Pulling his hand away, he tugged at the sheet underneath me, smoothing it out. “Do you understand why I can't?”

You can't? You can't what?

“Why I can't let you go?”

How. . . How did he know what I was thinking?

Sighing, Machi's hands swept up and down over the sheet, plucking at the crinkles and peaks and pressing them down. “You might not believe me—fuck, I know you won't.But you're safer here with me than you'll ever realize.”

A weak snort escaped my lips as I laughed in disgust.Safe?What kind of bullshit line was that?

Safe was not here, safe was not with him.

“Say it, go on.”

Fuck you.

“Fine,” he said, standing up and brushing his hands over his legs. The rough fabric of his pants whirred and zipped against his skin, buzzing in my ear. “But without me, you'd be dead right now. Hope that comforts you.”

His shoes came down hard as he stormed away, slamming the door behind him. The walls rattled, shaking and vibrating my bones. Each lock slid back into place, sealing me inside.

Stretching my leg out, I touched the cold rim of ceramic with my toe. Even if I was hungry—which I wasn't—I wouldn't put one thing in my mouth that Machi tried to give me.

If he could kill a man he obviously knew, he could kill a girl he didn't know without a glimpse of remorse.

Sitting up, I listened hard to make sure I was still alone, anticipating his voice to rain down on me any second.You're alone, he's gone.Reaching out, I ran my fingertips over the bread. Crumbs stuck to my damp skin, soaking up the sweat that had formed.

Rubbing my fingers together, I dusted them off, picking up the plate and resting it on the floor. I'd rather starve to death than give him the pleasure of knowing I had accepted his gift of food.

Laying back down, I positioned my arms behind my head and allowed my tired body to fall into unconsciousness. I could refuse food, I could refuse to talk and walk and drink. . .

But sleep, that was one thing I couldn't shut down.

* * *

“Wake up.” A heavy handgripped my shoulder, rocking me back and forth. “You didn't eat, you need to eat. Let's go, get up.”

Rolling onto my side, I curled up into a ball. Machi was back, he was standing at my side again, freely touching me as if I had given him permission.

I don't want anything from you! Go to hell!

“Voice still gone, huh?” Laughing, the weight of the mattress shifted as he sat down beside me. “You taking that thing off any time soon?”

Go away! Just leave me alone!

Caressing my back, he untwisted the strap of my bra, and tucked the small tag back under the clasps. “I brought you another plate, it's not much, half a muffin and a banana. But it's food, you should eat it.”

Tucking my body up, I tried to hide inside the blackness. When was he going to get the point? How long would he try to keep up this act before he finally lost control?

Everyone had a fuse, I just wasn't sure how long his was.

Clapping his hands, he said, “You can stay silent all you want, but eventually that thing needs to come off, and you need to eat. When did you eat last, can you remember? Was it before—” Cutting himself off, he cleared his throat. “Either way, you haven't had anything in two days that I know of.”

It's only been two days?

It was hard to grasp the idea of time. Two days felt like and eternity. Hours, minutes, seconds, I couldn't actually tell as I laid there which ones had come and gone.

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