Page 51 of Beg Me Angel

Chapter Fourteen

Pax

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No.

I couldn't go into town, not with her.

They would all know something wasn't right, that she wasn't from around here. I couldn't risk someone recognizing her. I never went into town with anyone else, I was always by myself.

If I wanted to keep them away, then bringing her there wasn't an option.

She can't leave, I won't let her.

Lifting the ax over my head, I swung it down hard, splintering the log in half. Picking up the pieces, I tossed them into the pile and placed another one on top. Shattering the second log, I flung the broken pieces as my body tensed from head to toe.

I was angry, I was enraged, but not with her, not with my angel.

She couldn't understand how taking her into town would end up with her getting taken away from me. There was no way I could lose her, not from something that was destined to steal her right out of my hands.

Vera had helped me to let go, to unlock the doors I had sealed shut. And she couldn't even see it, she didn't have a fucking clue.

It was hard to open yourself back up to a world you despised, to a place that couldn't understand what it was like to see what I've seen, to have done all the things I've done.

And to still have that itch, that tiny voice always trying to creep up and gain traction, wanting me to do it again. I was a vile human being, one being tempted by blood and fueled by destruction.

Vera wanted to convince herself that what I had done for her was kindness, that it was all done with the best intentions.

What if she knew she was wrong?

I tried to explain it to her, to let her see a glimpse of who I truly was. She was blind to it, twisting what I told her into a crazy idealistic image of a hero.

I'm not a hero. I'm a fucking thief, I'm selfish. . .

I'm her captor.

What I had done for her, yes that was good, it was the right thing to do. But what I wanted now, that was a black seed that sat in my gut, slowly growing and planting its roots deep into my muscles.

I could take her to call her mother,I should take her.But taking her would mean more questions, it would mean people, people who would want to take her from me. I couldn't do that, I couldn't lose her to a rash of cops and doctors trying to find the same answers she wanted.

The fear was there, the panic and anxiety had cradled my heart. She would go, she would want to leave with the hopes that all of this would have an ending.

Her end was now, it was here. She didn't need to keep reaching for intangible clouds that would slip through her fingers.

Here, here she could be happy; happy and safe.

That was what I could give her, if she let me. All she had to do was see it, feel it, know it without asking more questions.

“What the fuck is your deal?” Her voice crept in from over my shoulder, forcing me to stop mid-swing.

Holding the ax stale in the air, I cocked an eye over my shoulder. “Nothing.” Letting the ax fall, it cracked through another piece of wood, and I stacked it onto the growing pile.

Her feet padded over the leaves, crushing them with gentle pops. “Nothing?”

Grunting, I let the ax fly down hard. “Look, I have work to do, what do you need?”

“You know what I need.” Tucking her arms into her ribs, she stood tall, bravely staring down the barrel of my hard, steel weapon. “Don't act like you don't know.”

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