Page 78 of Matrix

“Hang on! I’ll come back for you.”

With all my strength, I crawl toward the couch, searching for the knife I’d kicked under it earlier. My hand finally grasps the handle of the weapon. I stand up, only to find a blur of motion heading directly at me. I have no time to react to the cartel thug. I stagger backward, barely dodging his blade as it slices my shirt. Pain sears across my belly. Blood drips down my abs. I gasp as pain threatens to consume me.

The attacker switches tactics, spinning to deliver a kick to my chest. I tumble backward and hit the ground, rolling.I come to a stop, facing my assailant. His eyes are wild with hate as he lunges for me again.

“You killed my brother!” he screams.

I try to move, but my body’s too slow to avoid the knife. It slices my arm, drawing blood. I ignore the pain, allowing myself to disassociate from it until I feel nothing but rage.

Furious, I tackle him to the ground. I punch him in the face, but it doesn’t faze him.The guy shoves me away, then jumps on top of me, pinning me to the ground. He slams his fists into my face over and over until darkness threatens to drag me under.

Just as I’m about to pass out, his chest explodes. He falls forward, covering me with his bulk. I roll him off me and try to sit, but the pain comes flooding back. I can’t keep it at bay.

“Stay down.” Daisy’s gorgeous green eyes come into view, and she glances down at my stomach. Her cry of horror shocks me. How bad is it?“Put your hands here. Oh, my God. Don’t move. Babet!”

The older woman from Angela’s room appears in my hazy vision.

“More … cartel,” I manage to gasp.

“No. They’re dead. It’s clear.” Vapor’s voice carries from across the room.“We’ve got men down. Work as fast as you can. Babet, call Doc. Get him and his entire team down here. Now!”

I roll my head to find Babet standing over me. She’s frantically talking into her phone, but none of the words make any sense. My body feels so light. So empty. So … floaty.

My spirit rises above my corporal body until I’m hovering near the ceiling. From up here, the carnage doesn’t seem so bad. In fact, I feel nothing. The urge to stay doesn’t hold any appeal. This is much better than being down there. Returning to my body isn’t an option because I know all it would do is bring more pain. More suffering. More of everything I’ve tried to avoid in the years since I escaped Blackstone’s. It’s better to be here, away from the others, where nothing and no one can hurt me.

“Matrix!” Daisy slaps my face.“Are you still there?”

I want to tell her I’m fine. This pain-free place is as close to Heaven as I’ll ever get. I just want to enjoy it for a little longer. I could stay here. I’ve tried it before. Sometimes I can hang out in this realm between the worlds for days on end. Maybe forever.

Yes. That’s what I want to do. Stay.

“Matrix, you bastard! Don’t do this! Don’t leave me!” Daisy’s frantic, screaming at me while trying to stop the bleeding. I wish I could tell her that everything’s all right. She wouldn’t understand, but it’s true. I’m perfectly good right where I am.

Time passes. I have no idea how much because time isn’t real here. It’s something we feel in the earthly realm but not in the floaty place. There’s no beginning and no end. Only the existence of this moment. I’m only in the now. Not tomorrow or yesterday. I always have been, and I always will be. I’m forever.

The room changes. It’s the bedroom I share with Daisy. I’m in bed, shirtless, with huge bandages wrapped around my belly. I look like a mummy.

Laughter bubbles up from my soul. The freedom of justbeingmakes everything better. I could be down there in agony or up here in paradise. I prefer this, so I’m not going back.

Rays of sunlight arch from one side of the room to the other. Darkness falls and rises. People move fast. So fast. Like frantic ants. Poking. Prodding. The bandages change. Get smaller. Until there’s only one strip left.

I know the moment the pain subsides because I become more aware of what’s happening in the room. Watching Daisy cry helps me break through the haze. I pay more attention. I don’t like seeing her tears. Realizing I need to go back, an unrelenting tugging sensation pulls me down … down … down.

Without warning, I slam back into my body. A jagged cry escapes my lips. My stomach cramps and burns. My parched, dry lips scrape against each other as I try to form words.

“Water,” I mumble.

“Oh, thank God!” Daisy jumps to her feet and runs out of the room.“Babet! Hurry! Bring Doc!”

The older woman rushes into the room. When our eyes meet, she gives me a knowing nod, as if she knows where I’ve been and how hard it was to return from that place.

“I’ll get you some water. It’s good to have you back.” She gently pats my shoulder before leaving the room.

Doc walks in with Daisy and gives me a stern look before pulling his stethoscope out and placing it on my chest.“Heartbeat stronger, now. Less wild.” He holds my eyelids open while shining a blinding light into them. I squint and try to roll my head away from the sharp pain caused by the brightness.“Pupils dilating. Episode over.”

“Episode?” I ask in a hoarse whisper.

“I call your doc. Dissociation, he say. You go on trip. Escape pain. Welcome back.” He smiles.“I come back later.”

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