Page 49 of Chasing the Horizon

Did that make it no-fault? Or did that make it both of their faults? Victor didn’t know, nor did he care. It didn’t change the result.

Now, Alex stopped the stroller on the boardwalk and bent down to adjust the baby’s blankets. Esme and Victor stood off to the side, hands gently linked.

Alex raised his chin to look at them. “I think I need to eat something. I can’t remember the last time I did.”

Victor related to that. He remembered during Joel’s illness, he’d dropped twenty pounds without trying.

Victor and Esme suggested the little burger place down the boardwalk, where they grabbed a table and ordered cheeseburgers, onion rings, and fries. Victor got a beer because he didn’t want to feel the harsh grip of reality quite as much as he did right now. Esme got a white wine, and Alex got a Diet Coke.Victor panged with guilt. Momentarily, he’d forgotten Alex was sober. He guessed it wasn’t so easy for him to remain sober right now.

While they waited for their burgers, Alex went to the bathroom, and Esme slid over to peer down at the baby. Her eyes glinted with tears. “Your mom is going to fall in love with you. She’s already in love with you,” Esme whispered.

Suddenly, someone else was at the table—Hayley Medler, an old neighbor of theirs who’d moved a year or so before Joel died. Seeing her here, with gray hair and wrinkles, older in all the ways they’d also gotten older, made Victor’s mind melt. He suddenly imagined that he and Esme were at the burger restaurant with baby Joel instead. He suddenly imagined he was in his late twenties, burdened with all the fears of a young father and a young psychiatrist.

“You poor things. Haven’t you Suttons already been through enough?” Hayley said now, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning down to look at the baby. “He’s a darling, isn’t he?”

Hayley had always been nosy and gossipy, and now was no different. Victor had his guard up, but Esme seemed too tired to care.

“How is she?” Hayley asked.

Victor’s ears rang. What were they supposed to say? That the doctors didn’t know when or even if Valerie would wake up? That he and Esme were mentally and emotionally preparing to help raise the baby—a baby without a name—because they were maybe going to lose their daughter?

“I just can’t believe who did this to you,” Hayley said, shaking her head. “Have you seen her?”

“No,” Esme said. “And if you know so much about the accident, then you know that it wasn’t anyone’s fault. It wasn’t Dr. Benson’s. It wasn’t Valerie’s. It just happened.”

“But she was your couples therapist, wasn’t she?” Hayley whispered, with her hand over her mouth.

Now this was juicy island gossip, Victor thought angrily.

Victor flared his nostrils and got to his feet. He remembered many years ago when he and Esme had gotten into a little argument in the backyard, and Hayley had interjected her opinion, telling them which of them she thought was correct. He’d thought at the time,What kind of person would do this?And she was just the same as ever.

“I think you’d better move on, Hayley,” he said.

Hayley stiffened and glared at him.

“We need some family time,” Victor said.

“It doesn’t mean you have to be so rude,” Hayley shot. “You never changed, Victor Sutton. Everyone knows you never will.”

With that, she was gone, leaving Esme, Victor, and the baby in a disastrous silence. Alex remained in the bathroom. Victor guessed he was taking a moment to himself, another attempt to keep it together.

All Victor could think about was Dr. Hannah Benson.

All he could think was,What are the chances?

“Do you think we should call her?” Victor said suddenly.

Esme blinked at him with surprise. “Hayley?”

“No. Dr. Benson.”

Esme’s shoulders drooped. “Oh.” It was clear that even though the accident was no-fault, and it wasn’t Hannah who put Valerie in a coma, Esme wasn’t entirely on board with forgiving her fully yet.

“You know she must be miserable,” Victor said. “The guilt must be eating her alive.”

Esme didn’t respond. Victor wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her like this.

Their burgers arrived. Alex came back out and ate quietly in a way that suggested he was just trying to keep himself alive forthe baby. Victor only drank half his beer and ate half his burger. Esme ate even less than that. Eventually, they went back to the car and said goodbye to Alex and the baby, who were heading back home. Alex didn’t want any help from them right now, but he said he’d call them as soon as he wanted a break.

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