Page 58 of Chasing the Horizon

Esme led Victor upstairs and into their bedroom, where she closed the door behind them, crossed her arms, and looked up at him. Her jaw was stiff.

“Kade is one of my patients,” Victor said finally. “He lost both of his parents in a sailing accident last year and managed to sail to safety by himself. After that, he came here to live with Jack Landan, his great-uncle, but Jack had a stroke last night.” Victor went on to explain that Kade had driven himself to school, that he was emotionally mature for his age, but that it was clear there were multiple lasting emotional wounds. “He asked for me at school,” Victor said, breaking down. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

What he didn’t say was resting in the air between them.He asked for me, and he looked so much like Joel. How could I say no?

“I’m going to find him a new therapist,” Victor said, although he knew Esme didn’t care about that.

Esme sat beside him and wrapped her arms around him. After a very long time, she murmured, “There’s the kind Victor Sutton I fell in love with. There’s that heart I’ve longed for.”

Victor sniffed. “It’s been here the whole time. I just don’t always know how to show it.”

Esme kissed his cheek, then his nose. “He looks hungry.”

Victor was grateful that Esme didn’t bring up the Joel factor.

Victor said, “We ran into Bethany. She mentioned pancakes. I think I’d better get down there and mix ’em up.”

He got to his feet and wrung out his hands. “Valerie came by today.”

Esme dropped her gaze to the carpet.

“I know what she’s going to say,” Victor said. “I know she thinks I chose a patient over her again. I know she’s so hurt and trying to protect herself. I don’t know how to bridge the divide between us. I don’t know how not to make one mistake after another. I love her so much, Esme. I love all our children.”

“They love you, too,” Esme whispered.

The air was heavy. Victor thought he was going to burst into tears.

“Can you get started on the batter?” Victor asked, surprising himself. “I’m going to make a phone call.” He removed his cell from his back pocket and brought up the number for Dr. Frank Gallagher. He was finally and fully at the end of his rope. He showed the name to Esme, whose eyes lit up with recognition.

She kissed him on the lips and whispered, “There is no shame in getting help, my love. There is no shame in admitting that nothing is easy and that we’re all in this messy life together. Please, open your heart to him. Please, let yourself heal.”

Just before she went into the hallway, she whispered, “I do love you, Victor Sutton. I always have.”

Dr. Frank Gallagher answered the phone on the second ring. Victor pictured him in the spring sunlight, maybe on his wraparound porch, with a glass of wine beside him and the Nantucket Sound before him like a big indigo blanket. “Hi, Victor,” Dr. Frank said. “How are you?”

Victor bit his tongue to keep from crying.

In as firm of a voice as he could muster, he managed to say, “I need help, man.”

Dr. Frank didn’t make him feel strange or bad or bizarre. He didn’t make Victor feel as though he was anything more than a man up against emotional powers that were often stronger thanhe was. “Let’s set up a meeting for tomorrow,” Dr. Frank said. “My afternoon is free and easy. We don’t have to go to that stuffy office, either. What do you say we go for a walk?”

Victor pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead and walked to the window, gazing out at the same ocean he knew Dr. Frank was looking at. It united them.

Another thing that united them was their ability to help and heal others.

“Do you have a therapist, Frank?” Victor asked before he got off the phone.

“You think I can handle the mess in my head by myself?” Frank asked, laughing. “There’s no way I could manage that. I need as much help as I can get.”

“Was it hard to admit that?”

Frank hesitated. “We’re men of a certain age, Victor. We grew up with fathers and mothers who thought therapy was a bunch of crock, a bad deal, a waste of money. We’re learned men, men of science, but I don’t think that can ever fully destroy what we’ve learned in our childhoods. We’re all works in progress, Victor. Remember, I’ve learned far more about this field from you and your research than I have from anyone else.”

Victor filled his lungs. From downstairs came the sounds of a little boy laughing and Esme telling a story.Esme and Joel, he thought before correcting himself. Esme and Kade. 2025. A new era of love.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Victor said to Dr. Frank.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

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