Page 23 of Chasing the Horizon

Worst of all, he hated how often he thought of his ex-wife, Bree. Not in a romantic sense, no. But he worried about her. He worried about her health. He hated that Bree didn’t want his help now that she was so ill. It was bizarre to be there for someone for so many years and then let them go.

It was hard to fathom that Esme’s husband had only recently passed away and that this would be her first holiday season without him. Sometimes Victor wondered if Esme wished it was Larry she was talking to rather than Victor.

Were these the kinds of things he needed to bring up in therapy?

He didn’t know.

When he returned home that evening, Esme was wide-eyed and excited about his meeting with Dr. Frank Gallagher.

“How did it go?” she asked, as though finally, someone had “gotten through” to Victor and understood him.

Victor slightly resented this. But he didn’t want to let it show.

“He’s a good guy,” he said. “We had a good conversation.”

Esme clapped her hands. “Amazing. When’s the next session?”

When Victor hesitated, Esme caught on right away.

“Oh, Victor,” she said, clearly nervous. She folded up her napkin and sat on the kitchen chair. Their dinner of Thai curry bubbled on the stove. These days, Esme was so creative in the kitchen. Victor was learning to love that about her since she’d added it to her life after Victor had left it.

Were they too far apart emotionally? Was that something Frank Gallagher might have said if Victor would have let him in?

“Say you’ll go again,” Esme said quietly.

Victor wasn’t sure what to do. “I’ll consider it.”

Esme was quiet. She turned off the burner and filled their plates with curry and rice. But she couldn’t look at him throughout dinner and hardly spoke.

Victor felt like crap. But what could he do? He wasn’t sure if he could respect any therapist, even Frank Gallagher. (And he’d thought if there was any therapist he could trust, it would be Frank.) Did Esme want him to fake it? Did she want him to waste his time?

The next time they saw Dr. Hannah, it came up. Of course it did.

It was as though Esme had been biding her time, waiting for this moment.

“I’m worried that Victor isn’t taking any of this seriously. I’m worried he thinks he’s too good for it because he comes from this world of psychiatry and mental health,” Esme said, sounding both nervous but tired of him.

Victor sighed and looked at his shoes.

“Did you have a session with Dr. Gallagher?” Hannah asked, her voice neutral.

“I did.”

“And how did that go?”

“He doesn’t want to go again!” Esme cried.

Victor fought to keep from rolling his eyes. “It’s not that I don’t think he’s a fine man. I just don’t think it’s doing either of us any favors to sit in a room and talk. I want to work on my relationship with Esme. I want to be with Esme. All this feels like a waste of time.”

Dr. Hannah tilted her head. She looked mystified. “But it’s been your career, hasn’t it?”

Victor wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Are you still meeting with patients?” Dr. Hannah asked.

Victor could hardly look at her. “I have a few here and there.”

Dr. Hannah leaned back. Thoughts played out across her face, but it seemed she decided not to reveal them. They had only a few more minutes of the session left, and Hannah likely didn’t want to dig too deep into anything like that so soon before Thanksgiving.

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