Page 21 of Chasing the Horizon

“It’s like an Airbnb,” Alex joked.

Valerie shrieked and collapsed on the sofa. Alex covered her with kisses until she remembered the groceries. They got up and made a big show of getting all the bags out of the trunk and into the mostly empty fridge in the house. Alex had packed Valerie a bag of essentials, and he’d remembered everything, even her toothbrush, which Valerie often forgot when she was traveling.

What’s more, Alex had decided to cook an immaculate dinner. It was pasta with chicken and a homemade sauce, plus an appetizer of cheese and a dessert of dark chocolate lava cake. They sat at the dining room table, listened to music, and talked about their potential future here, imagining their baby sleeping in the next room, taking their first steps, or screaming from upstairs, needing one of them. Valerie cried twice throughout dinner and once when she set out to do the dishes. But Alex wouldn’t let her do that either.

They finished the night on the sofa, watching a soft snowfall across the beach and the frothing water. Alex’s hand was on her stomach, and their three-month mark was just a couple of days away.

It was the kind of love and life they’d both been waiting for.

Valerie said softly, “So when do we move?”

Chapter Eight

The following week in November, right before Thanksgiving, Victor had his first meeting with Dr. Frank Gallagher, the psychiatrist Dr. Hannah had recommended. Dr. Gallagher was approximately his age, and he’d referenced Victor’s work several times over the years. Victor found he was slightly nervous, driving through the thawing and gray afternoon to Dr. Frank’s office. Was he really going through with this? Was he really going to sit there and talk about his feelings and let someone analyze him?

Then again, Victor felt as though he had to try. Otherwise, his children wouldn’t speak to him. Otherwise, Esme wouldn’t be with him.

He had tried so many other options, so many other paths to happiness. This seemed like the brightest option. This seemed like the only way.

But the minute Victor walked into Dr. Gallagher’s office, Victor felt off. Or no. What was the word he was looking for, exactly? He felt territorial, as though he immediately needed to show Dr. Gallagher that he knew better than he did, that he was a more renowned psychiatrist and was several moves aheadalready. He resented, too, that it seemed Dr. Gallagher could already smell that on Victor.

Victor’s head throbbed with thoughts.Why can’t I calm myself down?

Why am I so competitive?

He couldn’t show Dr. Gallagher any of that.

They sat down and assessed one another. Dr. Gallagher was slightly older than he was in the photos off the internet, with graying black hair and a flat forehead that spoke of Botox and a tan from a recent vacation. In fact, that was why Dr. Frank hadn’t been able to see Victor till now. He’d been in the Caribbean with his wife.

“Twentieth anniversary,” Dr. Frank said.

“Congratulations,” Victor said, suddenly feeling like a fool for never having gotten that far with either of his wives. But he didn’t want Dr. Frank to see that he felt foolish.

Ugh, this was miserable.

“I’m sure you looked me up,” Dr. Frank said, sounding friendly and easy. “I’m sure you know I referenced you a few times in my research.”

Victor wondered why Frank wanted to come out and say that. Was it because he wanted to get in front of it, to make sure that Victor didn’t throw it in his face?

“I thought you used my research well,” Victor said. “I was happy to see it.”

Frank didn’t look happy or embarrassed. He didn’t look like anything at all.

He’s difficult to read, Victor thought.

“I understand you’ve been working with Hannah,” Dr. Frank said. “She’s a sensational couples therapist. How are you finding the work?”

“Honestly?”

Dr. Frank laughed. “Sure. As honest as you want.”

“I find it pretty miserable,” Victor said. “I hate having someone poke and prod at my romantic relationship—especially a romantic relationship I don’t fully understand myself yet.”

“Don’t you think it’s the therapist's job to help you understand it?”

Victor shrugged. “I’d rather know my way around something before I bring it to somebody else. I’d rather really know where the faults are and the problems arise. It feels more practical that way.”

“Do you think your patients know their way around their mental illnesses or disorders before they come to you?”

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