Page 66 of Finally Home

She lets out a low whistle. “Wow, okay. So maybe this was just a little worse than I thought.”

“Not sure what you’re doing here and why you’re not at school. But I’m fine, Pay. Everything’s fine.” Maybe if I tell myself that lie enough times, I’ll believe it. I’d pat my shoulder for getting that out with a steady voice if I wasn’t sure I honestly had, based on the way my sister is glaring at me.

Payton puts her hands on her hips and frowns. “I may have been born at night, but I sure as shit wasn’t born last night. Ollie, I can tell everything isnotfine. You look, um—”

“Dashing? Gorgeous? Irresistible?”

She sighs. “Wrecked, you dumbass. You look fucking wrecked.”

I walk over to the couch and fold the blankets crumpled on the cushions. I haven’t been able to sleep in my bedroom since the last night with Hollie. Her scent lingers on the pillows and sheets. If I lie on them, then I’ll miss her all over again, but I also refuse to wash them because then her scent will be gone forever. And this all just becomes a distant memory.

I’m just a selfish asshole and want her all to myself. But that’s the thing. I’m not too selfish that I could ask her to say here in town. I just couldn’t.

There’s no need to turn around to know that my sister is following my every move with her eyes.

“Well, I guess that’s better than saying I’m tired because we all know that’s just the polite way to say you look like shit.”

Payton scoffs. “If the shoe fits, buddy.”

Tossing the last folded blanket onto the pile, I collapse onto the couch and hang my head in my hands.

“Pay, seriously, why are you here? Don’t you have class this morning?”

“Fuck class. I’m worried about you.”

Payton steps up and covers my mouth with her palm just as I open it to tell her that there’s nothing to worry about.

“Ugh, I swear to God, Ollie, if you say you’re fine, I’m going to kick you right in the balls.” If her threat alone didn’t have me wincing, the fire in her eyes that says she wants me to test that theory surely is.

“Fine,” I shout and run my hands through my hair, tugging on the ends. “I’m not fine. Are you happy?”

“Ollie.” Payton’s voice trembles. “Of course I’m not happy. I just needed you to admit it so that we can deal with it and move on.”

“Move on?” I scoff. “I don’t want to fucking move on. What I want—” I pause and close my eyes, and the only thing I want comes to mind. I see Hollie sitting on the end of the couch instead of my sister, with her laptop in her lap, and she looks over at me, smiling. “What I want, I can’t have.”

“Okay, moving on wasn’t the right choice of words. I just can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Well then, maybe you should just head back to campus and you won’t have to.”

“No.” She scowls and crosses her arms. “You blew off family dinner and haven’t been yourself all week. And don’t try tofucking tell me otherwise. I might not be here, but I’ve talked to both Archer and Rhyland. And Hollie.”

Hearing her name stops my heart. “You spoke to her?” Payton nods. “That’s good. I’m glad.”

“Really? That’s what your response is?”

I shrug. This emotional bullshit is a little too much for my hangover this morning.

“Okay, fine.” Payton slaps her hands against her thighs before rising. Was it really that easy to get rid of her? Wow! At least I have one thing going in my favor. She reaches for two of the canvas bags. “Why don’t you go shower and wash off the stench of whiskey and poor decisions, and I’ll make you some food, and then we’ll talk.”

Payton doesn’t even wait for me to respond before she walks into the kitchen.

Fuck. So much for that.With one last sigh, I rise from the couch and head in the opposite direction from my sister.

The only reason I listen to Payton is because I know that when she’s on a mission, she won’t give up. The quicker I listen to her, the quicker she will leave and head back to school. And I can go back to sulking.

On the way back to my shower, I plot out my best friend’s and older brother’s demise for fucking ratting me out to her. What the fuck do either of them know about what I’m going through? Well, Rhyland for sure not, but Archer, that just makes him a fucking hypocrite. I had debated calling out of work the day Hollie left, but I couldn’t be in this house without her. It wasn’t just remembering things but thinking of things that could have been—holidays, little ones running around, and growing old with her. But what’s done is done. I did what I had to do, even though I broke—no, shattered—my heart in the process.

The heartache comes rushing back as I enter my bedroom and stare at the bed. How long will it take till coming in hereand not seeing her things everywhere or clothes hanging in the closet won’t hurt like hell? Is this my punishment for doing the right thing? Fuck, was it even the right thing? I don’t even know anymore.

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