Page 68 of Pinky Promises

“Go away, Cal.” Well, it may not have been what I want to hear her say, but it’s a start. The first words she’s said to me since she walked away, taking my heart with her.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I spin and slide down until my ass meets the floor. I slip my phone from my pocket, and the screen lights up with a photo of Brynn as my background. She’s always been my background, but I took this one the other week after numerous rounds of lovemaking. Her hair is messy, her eyes glazed over, and she’s wearingmyshirt, but that smile, that is one hundred percent all Brynn and all for me.

I hope I haven’t fucked all this up and will be able to see that smile again. The look on Brynn’s face just before she walked away from me is forever engraved in my brain and has the power to break me. I need that smile, even if it’s no longer for me.

I run my fingers over the photo before unlocking it. I open our last text conversation, trying a new way to get her to talk to me.

Me:Please let me explain.

After I hit Send, I remember she had turned her phone off earlier; however, it chimes from the other side of the door. Okay, she has at least turned her phone back on. That’s a start, although I’m sure it was a demand from the girls agreeing to let her be alone. The three dots appear, then disappear several times, then nothing. Well, she at least opened the text knowing it was from me. Another win in my favor, I hope.

I exhale loudly and rest my head against the door with a soft thud.

I set my phone down on the ground beside me and get comfortable. I also remove my wallet from my back pocket and place it next to my phone. “Brynn, you don’t have to talk to me, but please just listen. I know I fucked up. I’m so sorry. I know my words probably mean shit to you, but please know how much I truly mean them. I shouldn’t have kept you in the dark, but—” I pause, ready to put all my cards out on the table. “If I told you about my father and his fucking asinine plan, then I would have had to tell you why I wouldn’t ever, no, couldn’t ever go for it.”

I’m met with her silence still. But then the floor creaks, and the soft thump against the other side of the wood tells me that she has moved from the bed to the door.

I continue. “If I told you, then I would have to tell you I couldn’t marry anyone. Because my sights are only set on one woman—one crazy, funny, drop-dead gorgeous woman who steals my breath away every time she is near. The same woman that held my heart since before I even knew what that meant.

“Let me in, baby. Please just unlock the door,” I whisper loud enough that she can hear me on the other side. I glance up at the doorknob, willing it to open or to hear at least the click of it unlocking, but it never does. My shoulders sink in defeat. I won’t give up, though—not now, not ever.

I’ve got one last attempt tonight before I let her be, but I meant what I said. I’m not going anywhere. I will sleep on this floor in front of her room if I have to, just to show her that I will be here. I reach for my wallet and grab the item I’ve carried with me all these years. I unfold it to reveal a photo strip from one of those photo booths. The edges are worn and frayed from spending years folded up.

She and I had skipped school for the first time and spent the day riding rides and eating junk food at Coney Island. I had convinced my driver, Jasper, to drive us into New York with two hundred dollars cash and the promise of washing the town car for two months. It was completely worth it to see the smile on Brynn’s face.

I slide the strip under the door and push it till it disappears to the other side.

“Do you remember that day? It was one of the best days of my life.” Well, minus the day I finally kissed her. “I carry this with me everywhere I go.

“I should have told you how I felt all those years ago. Instead of being the one to break your heart, I’ve stood by you over the years, being the one to put the pieces back together. What you didn’t know was that each time I put the pieces of your broken heart back, I mended them with a piece of mine. You’ve spent years with my heart without even knowing it.”

It’s not that I expected her to open the door now and welcome me with open arms, but the longer the silence continues, I worry I’ve gone too far and pushed her away for good. There’s only one thing left to say.

“I can’t go back to how things were before. I’m too far gone, but I’m also a selfish bastard and can’t give you up either, so if that’s what you want, to forget the last few weeks have happened and go back to being just friends, I will do it. I love you enough to do that.”

“But what if we can’t do that.” The lifeless and fragile tone of her voice breaks my heart.

I rest my head against the door. “We will, I pinky promise.”We have to.

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