Page 43 of Pinky Promises

“So, let’s start from the beginning.”

They are both highly invested as I fill them in on the night of the wedding after they both left the reception. Their shock morphs into smiles and back into shock. Nothing I say dims their expressions. The occasional gasp and “hot damn” are said. By the time I catch them all up, I rest my head in my hands. “Please don’t judge me.”

Lexi places her hand on mine in a reassuring manner. “No one is judging you, B. We’re just surprised, that’s all.”

Hadley winces, twisting her lips and squinting her eyes. “Are we, though? I mean, we’ve all been thinking about it for years. And maybe it was just time for it to happen.”

“It was just a onetime thing. A one-and-done, got it out of our system sort of thing.”

Both girls face each other with knowing glances. I know, famous last words since both of their relationships started the same way, and now Lexi is married to her one-night stand, and Hadley is playing house with her little family. But Cal and I are different. We’re not strangers who just met. We promised each other this wouldn’t change anything. And it feels as though it already has.

Lexi clears her throat. “Okay, so please don’t be mad at me with what I’m about to say.”

“Okay,” I elongate. “Well, if you have to preface whatever it is you have to say with ‘don’t be mad at me,’ then I have a feeling it’s going to make me mad.”

She shrugs. “I mean, it might. But remember I say this out of love. We’re always honest with each other, even if it’s annoying as hell or brutally fucking honest. We’re always there for each other to tell each other the truth.”

“I agree,” I respond with a nod because that’s very true. It’s one thing I love about our friendship that even if we think it might hurt each other’s feelings, we always tell the truth, and we never get mad and still love each other. No one is petty. Okay, maybe I was a little petty when we first started living together in college when Hadley ate one of my Easy Macs, but I quickly got over it. “So just say what you have to say.”

“I know you’ve repeated it over the years that if you crossed that line with him and things went badly, you would lose him, but have youeverthought, what if things went well?” Her facial expression is soft, and her voice is genuine.

“But they always end badly. Look at my history; I’ve never had a successful relationship.”

“Neither did I, but look at me now,” Hadley admits. Hadley didn’t believe in love but did believe in hookups and no feelings till Asher.

The table is quiet for a second before Hadley speaks again. “So, don’t slap me.”

My head pops up, and my eyes nearly bug out of my head. “Oh my God, I’m not going to slap you.” When did these ladies get so violent or assume that I was?I seriously need to get new friends.

Hadley holds up her hands in innocence, but her fists curl into balls, so it looks more like she’s protecting her face. “Okay, point taken. But seriously, have you have consideredwhyno other relationship has ever worked out foreitherof you?”

“Well, the common denominator in my relationships is always me. Something must be wrong with me.” My voice cracks. “Spencer was the only one who gave the excuse of my friendship with Cal.” But I can’t help but wonder if others felt that way too but never voiced it.

“Or…. Do you think it could be that those relationships never worked out because they weren’t the right guy for you, and just maybe that right guy was standing right in front of you? That you always found flaws in them because you held a pretty high standard?”

I stay silent as I process her words. Is that true? Is that why past relationships never worked out?

“You know we love you, Brynn. And I know that I will never fully understand the dynamics of Cal’s and your relationship or friendship—whatever you wish to call it. I’ve never had a bond with someone like that.”

“Ugh,” I groan, dropping my head onto my arms that are resting on the table.

“It’s pretty simple, honestly.” Lexi crosses her arms and leans forward on the table as I look up.

Simple? Is she fucking nuts?Nothing about this is simple.

“What do you want?”

In my best impression of Rachel McAdams fromThe Notebook, I respond, “It’s not that simple.” If it were, I would have said yes right away when he asked me where I wanted this to leave us.

“Well, maybe you need to go home and talk it out with Cal. I assume you two have just been dancing around each other in the apartment, probably both of you stubborn as hell and not wanting to be the first to bring it up.”

I hate that she knows us too well. Between our awkwardness, my wandering mind, and then throwing in the whole dildo fiasco last night, my life is equivalent to a fucking hot mess express. In my defense, though, I was out cold when I heard the commotion and grabbed the first thing I felt in the drawer. At least two good things came out of last night: we alleviated some of the tension, and we set a plan to talk tonight.

I know the girls will love that story, but I decide to save that moment for too much tequila confession one day. If I mention that to them now, not only will they never let me live that down, but it will prevent me from getting out of here sooner.

“Just go talk to him.” Lexi’s voice is firm.

“Yeah, B. Go grab the bull by the balls.” Hadley swings her arm forward. “Or in your case, Cal.”

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