Page 70 of Pinky Promises

Me:Sure.

Hadley:If you don’t show up within 30 minutes, we will make good on the fire department threat.

I slowly slide off the bed. The image that Callum had slid under the door last night catches my eye on the nightstand. I don’t know how to process that he’s had that photo in his wallet all these years. I thought I had cried plenty of tears last night, but as soon as he brought out the picture, I was done for.

The memory of that day became clear as day in my mind. I could hear our screams as we rode the rides, taste the greasy food we ate, feel Callum’s comforting touch as he stood beside me while we rode the carousel. It was just too much to handle.

I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror over my dresser and cringe. My hair is in a rat’s nest on top of my head—and not in one of thoseI look cute with a messy bun look, but seriously, there could be rats in there—and streaks of makeup run down my cheeks from my bloodshot and red-rimmed eyes. If someone saw me on the street right now, they would run in the opposite direction.

The puffiness under them makes me look like I’m squinting. I don’t have the strength in me to even make myself presentable. When I walk into my closet, I run my fingers over the stack of hoodies hanging that I’ve stolen from Callum. I refuse to let any more tears out right now. I swallow the emotions down. The longer I stay here, the more likely I’m never going to be able to leave because I will be smothered by memories and heartbreak or drowned in my tears. I finally find one that is my own and throw it over my tank top and leggings.

I grab a pair of oversized sunglasses to help the raccoon eyes and a black hat to cover the rat’s nest on my head. Once satisfied with my reflection—I mean, it’s as good as it’s going to get—I throw my phone in my bag and slip on a pair of vans.

Placing my ear against the door, I don’t hear movement on the other side. Maybe Callum already left, or he’s barricaded himself in his room. I carefully turn the knob and open the door but stop halfway. I cover my mouth to silence my gasp when I find Callum lying on his side outside my door. The rise and fall of his chest and the soft puffs of air leaving his parted lips tell me he is only asleep. He slept on the floor outside of my room when his comfortable bed was only feet away.

I bite my fist to keep the tears at bay. I can’t just leave him here, but I’m not ready to face him just yet. I return to my bed, grab the fleece blanket with our college emblem, and unwrap it, placing it gently over him so I don’t disturb him. I’m not ready for that conversation just yet. Last night, we still left so many things unsaid, and I need to gather my thoughts. The girls can help me with that.

Because I’m a glutton of my own punishment, I linger a moment longer, taking in just how devastatingly handsome he is. His suit jacket is bunched up under his head, his hair unruly, showing signs that he constantly ran his fingers through the strands, tugging on the ends. My hand instinctively reaches out to brush the hair off his forehead, but I quickly snap out of it just before my fingers touch his hair.

With one last sigh, I push off my knees to stand and carefully step over him. I pad carefully down the hall in hopes of avoiding any creaks on the floor. As soon as I close the apartment door behind me, the strength I had to fight off the tears gives way, and my body betrays me, allowing them to trickle down my cheeks.

The ride to Hadley’s is a blur. One minute I’m walking out of my building, and the next, I’m exiting the elevator onto their floor. The door opens before I even knock, revealing Hadley and Lexi with somber expressions on their faces. As soon as I cross over the threshold, I fall into their open arms, and a fresh wave of tears threatens to swallow me whole. They manage to usher me inside, never leaving my side.

I look around the room but see no sign of Asher and Olivia.

As if Hadley can sense what or who I’m looking for, she comments, “Asher is giving us space. He has Olivia in the bedroom.”

“Giving space, hiding out, tomato tomahto,” Lexi says to try to lighten the room, but I just don’t have the energy to smile.

“We’re here for you, Brynn. Whatever you need to talk about, we’ll listen—judgment-free. We’ll help you through this.”

My head spins in a million directions, and I don’t even know where to start. How did this get all so fucked-up? It should have just been sex, just for fun. But that’s where we’ve been lying to ourselves all this time. It was neverjust sex—it couldn’t be just that when we both mean so much to each other. Why couldn’t I have stuck to my guns that nothing more could have come between us? We could have avoided all of this and just had that one weekend in our memories.

I fill them both in on what happened last night once he arrived. I couldn’t bear to open the door. I couldn’t face him. Call me a coward. Call me weak. But I knew that if I had, I would have caved or possibly said something I would have regretted more. It was bad enough that all I saw in my head was a montage of Charles introducing them and Callum’s expression as I screamed at him outside of the house. His look of defeat has etched itself in my mind.

“You know what we need? A girls’ night,” Lexi comments from where her head rests on my shoulder.

I shake my head. “Yeah, no, that’s the last thing I need.” Or even want.

“Ooo, we could go dancing at Eiffel Park,” Hadley suggests. “That place is filled with good memories. We can drink and dance the night away, forgetting the world around us.”

Girls’ nights at Eiffel Park may have been good memories for the two of them. Lexi and Ben met there on a night that all four of us had gone out. Even after Ben and Lexi had broken up, Hadley took Lexi there, and after one too many tequila shots, Hadley had to call Ben to rescue her. Ben and Lexi had gotten back together the following day, never spending another day apart. That night was also when Hadley and Asher met outside the club when Ben took Lexi back to his place. But for me? The good memories are tarnished with memories of the heartache I feel. Is that how it’s always going to be if we can’t fix this? The night Lexi and Ben met, Callum was there—he’s always there. And the night Hadley met Asher, I was busy with Cal. There are very few moments in my life that don’t have him in it.

What if him saying we would find a way to get back to the way things were was just another lie? Would I have to move? Do I just pick up the pieces of my life and need to start over? So maybe that’s a little dramatic, but I am so confused. Why couldn’t there be a dealing with heartbreak manual or falling for your best friend for dummies book I could download on my Kindle to read and understand.

“Okay, umm.” Lexi bunches her brows together. “I was thinking more like a good old-fashioned slumber party girls’ night with junk food and wine. No boys allowed.”

“Yeah, well, you said that you didn’t want a girls’ night out once, too—and I think that worked out just fine in the end…thank you very much.” Hadley likes to believe that she is the reason Ben and Lexi got back together because had she not texted Ben from Lexi’s phone, they may never have gotten their heads out of their asses—yet again. They just needed another push.

“Honestly, I don’t know what I need right now.” I sigh, allowing my shoulders to sink in defeat.

“How about I fix you some tea?” Hadley offers, and that sounds nice, so I nod.

Both girls get up and head to the kitchen to give me a moment. I rest my head on the back of the couch and take a few deep breaths. My eyes feel heavy, exhaustion finally catching up. I block out the soft chatter I can hear in the kitchen and finally allow my eyes to close.

My phone constantly buzzes from my bag.Aren’t I miss popular today.Since I am here with the girls and I’m off work today, there’s only one other person that it can be. When I look at my phone, I confirm it—Callum.

Callum:I woke up, and you’re gone.

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