Page 50 of Keeping Promises

Ben slowly approaches me as if I were a wild animal with the same look he had on his face when he told me our parents had died.

The deep fog in my mind finally lifts as I allow those five words to settle and process—I’m sorry, Asher. They’re gone.“Ben, who’s gone? Where is Hadley?” I enunciate each word slowly. I clutch the blanket to my chest. The faint smell of baby powder brings a sense of relief in this never-ending mindfuck.

His bottom lip quivers, and the pillar of strength that is my brother is no longer in front of me.

“Asher,” he says as he grips my biceps with his arms. “Hadley and the baby—” He pauses, and dread fills my veins. This isn’t happening. “They’re gone.”

The floor gives out beneath me, the air ripped from my lungs as I fall to my knees. “No, no, no, it’s not true. It’s not true,” I scream.

Ben steps up closer to me to extend a hand, but I swat him away. I lose everyone I care about. In a room full of people, I have never felt more alone. I’ve lost everything.

“Asher! Asher! Wake up,” I hear Hadley’s soft voice call out as I finally break free from the nightmare.

I jolt awake, gasping for air, and kick the covers off my body. The soft cotton suddenly felt weighted and constricting. I turn to see Hadley sitting up beside me, her eyes full of fear and concern.

My pulse is racing as if it were trying to qualify for the Olympic trials. I rub my hand over my chest to confirm that I’m real and even go as far as pinching the taut skin. I waste no time pulling Hadley into my arms and rock us back and forth.

It was just a dream.

I rest my hand on her bump.They’re both here.

Hadley is the first to pull back and inspects my face. Her soft fingers run over the scruff of my facial hair. “You were tossing and turning and shouting ‘no.’ Are you okay?”

Instead of sayingno, I’m not, oryes, I’ll be okay, I pull back her into my arms, anchoring her to my chest. “It was only a dream,” I exhale, relaxing back against the headboard, her head on my chest. I know she has to hear my heart still beating fast. I blow out a series of short breaths to regain control so I don’t worry her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It just felt so real,” I begin, feeling the tightness in my chest coming back. I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on my breathing.

I lost her and the baby. No, I didn’t—it was only a dream. They’re right here safely in my arms.I have to tell it to myself over and over.

“Asher, I’m right here. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere,” Hadley soothes, tightening her hold around my waist.

I press a kiss to her temple and rest my chin on the top of her head. “I’m sorry I woke you. Just go back to sleep, baby.”

I hold her tight enough so that our limbs tangle, and I don’t know where she ends and I begin. She runs her nails over my arm in a gentle manner, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. Eventually, her breathing evens out, and the soft puff of air from her parted lips tells me that she’s fallen back asleep. However, sleep evades me all night. I can’t shake the memory of the night my parents died, transforming into a more profound loss—having lost both Hadley and our daughter. The grief I felt as a child losing my parents was nothing compared to what I felt this time. Every time I close my eyes, I see my brother’s face and that of Lexi devastated.

Part of opening up to someone is realizing you risk losing them, and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. It is out of your control. It’s then I realize it has that been my problem all along. I’ve never opened myself up to someone, anyone, for fear that I would lose them just like I had my parents.

I didn’t want to burden her with my problems tonight. Even though she was concerned when I woke up, I could see how exhausted she was. Tomorrow is a new day to face our problems. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with her—this action of intimacy is uncharted territory for me.

I refuse to take my eyes off Hadley all night, worried that the dream will become a reality if I fall back asleep and I lose them both.

Hours feel like days, and the longer I stay awake, the more in my head I get. Before I know it, Hadley begins to stir in my arms. Every time she changed positions throughout the night, I made sure always to hold her. The gentleness of her skin calmed the raging war of insecurities inside my head. I’ve never thought of myself as insecure, but I guess the crippling feeling the thought of losing her gave me made me realize I’m already in way too deep. Losing her would be like losing everything.

When she stretches, the sheet drops down, revealing the tops of her breasts. She turns in my arms—her hair is a complete mess, and she has indents on her cheek from where she lay on my arm, but she still looks gorgeous.

“Good morning.” I smile, pushing a fallen strand of her behind her ear.

“Good morning. Have you been up long?”

I shrug, not giving away that I never went back to bed. I lean down to kiss her, and she pushes me away with her palm firmly on my chest. Her other hand flies to her mouth, covering it with her palm. “I’m sorry, I can taste the morning breath.”

I wrap my fingers around her wrist and pull her arm down. “I’m not going to let a little morning breath get in the way of kissing you good morning.” I gently press my lips to hers, and our kiss turns hungry.

When I press my cock against her naked core, she moans loudly. I roll her to her back before sliding inside her.A good morning, indeed.I think I could get used to starting my day out like this—her in my arms and my cock deep inside her.

I used to think morning coffee was the best way to wake yourself up; nope, it’s a morning orgasm.

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