Page 19 of The Dating Game

SoBrookehastodate me for two months if she wants to win some new bet with Sydney. I turn from the door to the hallway where I’ve been eavesdropping on the two women’s conversation, leaning back against the wall of the sanctuary to give myself a second to gather my thoughts.

My primary emotion is irritation, I decide. I’m not insulted that Brooke has to be forced into trying to date me. Nope.

I’m a pretty confident guy. Getting up and singing in front of hundreds of people every Sunday requires a base level of confidence. And consequently, I do not need Brooke Garza to want to date me to feel good about myself.

Besides, the woman has the maturity level of a teenager. Meaning she’s right: I do not want to date her. Sydney will have to find some other patsy to let her friend loose on.

Unless…I push myself off the wall as a new very satisfying thought strikes me. What if I do agree to date her, but then try and make the experience as miserable as possible?

I’m not saying be mean or anything, but just mess with her. Be the kind of guy women don’t want to date. Late to pick her up. Burp at the table. Ask to go Dutch on dates—though some women prefer that these days. So maybe I could just act like I expect her to pay for not just her own meal, but mine too.

Hmmm…Talk about my exes.Compareher to my exes. Never get her door for her. Use disgustingly cutesy nicknames—maybe even resurrect Brooksie…Nah. I shudder. I can’t do it. Not with a straight face, anyway. But I’ll come up with something on that front.

Blame her emotions on her period. Eat lots of garlic then go in for a kiss. Skimp on deodorant then give her a great big, stinky hug. Bonus points if I can make it a sweaty one. Because there are absolutely going to be mental points being recorded in this game.

Ooh! Take a call from my mom when she’s with me, then purposefully mention how we’re so close that I speak to her at least twice a day—three times on weekends. Ooh—move back in with my parents! No, that might be a bit too extreme. As would losing my job and turning into a deadbeat.

I laugh at the crazy places my mind has gone.

Yeah, I like this plan.

Of course my mission trip will interrupt some of the time, which is unfortunate. She’ll get an easy ten days out of me being gone. Unless I’ve scared her away by then. A chuckle rumbles out of me.

Almost two weeks of me turning off the charm and turning on the annoyance?

Yeah, I’ll definitely have scaredher away by then.

***

I’msmilingwhenIfinally get to my office. After a rough start this day is really turning around. Now I just need to find another chaperone. The thought sobers me for a second, but then I push the feeling away and sit down to work on compiling a list of people to call. I’ll find someone. I have to.

I’ve written down about ten names when my phone rings. I glance at the screen then pick up when I see the name there.

“Hey, Luke, what’s up?”

“I found you a chaperone!” he crows into the phone.

“Wait, really? Already?” I shove my list aside and focus on him. “How? Who?”

“It was crazy how it happened,” he says delightedly. “I was heading over to my dad’s office, and I ran into Sarah Bochanan in the hallway. She actually brought up the mission trip and asked me if you needed any more chaperones. Committed herself right then and there when she heard the trip was at risk of getting canceled.”

“Oh.” Some of my initial excitement fades. “Sarah Bochanan, okay.”

Thankfully Luke doesn’t seem to notice my lack of enthusiasm, and I don’t care to bring it up then have to explain. It’s nice Sarah is willing to go even if I do think this is her attempt at getting me to ask her out. At least I didn’t ask her to come; that would’ve almost made me feel obligated to ask her out.

Hey, at least there’s another bonus to dating Brooke—I can’t ask the woman out if I have a girlfriend.

“And she’ll be a great addition to your team,” Luke continues. “As a teacher she’s got great crowd control. And she really knows how to connect with kids.”

I’ll say. In fact that’s part of why I don’t want to date her. She’s a really nice person, and she is really great with kids, but I thinksometimes she forgets that not everyone is one of her students. The first time I met her she told me my shoe was untied then she bent down and tied it for me. I figured it was a reflex from doing that all day long for her first graders, and that at some point she’d realize I was a grown man and apologize with a laugh, but nope. She finished tying the shoe then redid the other one for good measure, informing me as she did so that double knots are my friend.

And that’s another thing, she’s always calling me buddy. Hi, buddy. How are you, bud? Buddy, did you remember that our friends in first grade will be performing at church on Sunday? Again, I completely get that this is how teachers often talk to and about their students, but it also makes me feel like, well, one of her students.

I don’t want to be my girlfriend’s student.

Still, Sarah is a really great person, and we’re lucky to have her on the trip. So I’m going to have an attitude of gratitude.

“Wow.” I rake a hand through my hair. “Well, that was a quick resolution to that problem.”

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