Page 18 of This Is Who I Am

August comes over to inspect the stranger in his home.

“I hope you don’t mind cats.”

“Not when they’re cute like this.” Her approach toward Gussie is equally thoughtful. She lets him sniff her hand first, before petting him. Gus responds by jumping onto the couch next to her.

“Estelle, meet August. Gussie, Estelle.” I almost say, ‘our new friend’, but it would sound too silly.

“It smells incredible in here.” Estelle leans back, one hand scratching behind August’s ear. I know it’s ridiculous to be jealous of a cat, and yet.

I put the frame she gave me on the sideboard, prominently on display, and ask what she would like to drink.

“I was thinking just water after last night, but I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

“I have a local sauvignon blanc open. How about a small glass of that alongside a large glass of sparkling water?”

“Sounds perfect.” She smiles up at me. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Of course not. You’re my guest.”

“It hardly seems fair. Just because you’re this amazing chef, you shouldn’t have to do everything.” She looks as comfortable and relaxed in the couch as August does.

“It’s what I do.” I nod at my cat. “Besides, you have your work cut out for you.”

I head into the kitchen to fetch the drinks. Estelle might have been tipsy last night, but I wasn’t. Yet I told her all these things about myself. It feels a bit unnerving.

“I went surfing this morning,” Estelle says, a stupid grin appearing on her face. “That actually makes it sound as though I can surf, which I can’t. Anyway, I wanted to clear my head, get rid of my hangover, and Sadie and Devon were in the ocean as well. When I signed up for surf club, I honestly had no idea Sadie Ireland would be teaching. I dare to guess that, once word spreads, there will be more than five middle-aged ladies taking her class.”

I shrug. “Sadie’s been back in Clearwater Bay for years. Most people are used to her now, but I understand it can be a lot to process for a newcomer.”

“Do you know them well?”

“Her sister, Suzy, is one of my best friends and her twin brother, Sam, is married to my ex’s best friend, so…” I nod. “We run in the same circles.”

“It must be nice to be so embedded in the town.”

“It’s lovely here. Do you enjoy being back?”

“I guess so. Even though I haven’t spent any significant time here in so long, there’s something about coming back to the place where you grew up. I feel like I don’t know anyone here anymore, though.”

“We’re a friendly enough bunch.”

“Hence… why I’m here at yours now.”

“Hey, um, I wanted to say… sorry if I pushed you last night. That wasn’t my intention.”

“I’m here, so…”

“Yeah.” Looking at her, sitting in my couch—August about to roll over and show her his belly—I can’t help but feel like, physically, we’re such a mismatch. I don’t even know where I found the audacity to ask her out last night. I must have been a bit high on myself and a great night of service and her kind words about my food. She’s not dressed up, yet she looks like she’s ready to enter the poshest room. Like she would turn every single head.

After we exchange some small talk—mostly me filling her in about the goings-on in Clearwater Bay—I invite her to the table.

I head into the kitchen, happy to feel fully in my element for a few moments. This might be a dinner with a new friend, yet she still destabilizes me a little. I let muscle memory take over—my hands know what to do. After thousands of services, plating comes easy.

By the time we’re halfway through the meal, conversation flows easily, the initial formality of the evening giving way to something looser.

Estelle asks about the restaurant, about how I ended up in Clearwater Bay—I’m not a native, like her—and I tell her about leaving San Francisco, about needing something slower, about how I wasn’t sure this place would ever feel like home until, one day, it did.

She listens intently, resting her chin against her palm, her eyes steady on mine. “Do you ever regret leaving the city?”

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