Page 80 of This Is Who I Am

“I saw you dancing with Cass earlier,” Devon says. “From where I was standing, it looked as though you were both very much into it.”

“I know what I feel, but I don’t know what Cass is feeling.” If anyone can give me some solid advice, it’s Devon.

“How do you feel?” she asks, instead of giving me a few words of wisdom. “What’s different?”

It’s a fair enough question. “I guess I needed some distance to really see what I was letting go of, what I was missing. I couldn’t see it when I was still here, when I was in the middle of it.”

“You had to go away in order to come back?” Devon asks.

“Something like that.”

“I hope you can work it out.” She smiles gently. “I really do.”

I nod. “Me too.”

The DJ turns up the music and it’s like the entire surface of Savor instantly turns into a dance floor. Devon and I get swallowed up by a mass of writhing bodies and I can only hope that, somewhere in this sea of dancers, I will soon find Cass again.

* * *

I do find Cass and we dance together, with her friends—ourfriends—until the early hours. It’s not a night for talking and I’m glad for it. It’s good that we can have these euphoric moments together before we actually have a conversation.

When I check my watch for the first time, it’s nearly three in the morning. I’m exhausted from the dancing, which my body is not used to, and the emotions, and the long day I had.

Cass is chatting to someone I don’t know. The crowd has thinned but there are a few die-hards left on the dance floor.

“People our age don’t go out dancing nowhere near enough,” a familiar voice shouts into my ear.

“Our age?” I arch up my eyebrows as I look at Sadie. “You’re five years younger than Suzy and me.”

“As if that makes a difference.” Sadie slings her arm around my shoulders. “I’m glad you’re back. Surf club’s not the same without you.” She lets go and smiles wistfully. “Do you know that Dev and I reconnected at my fortieth? Birthday parties in Clearwater Bay seem to have some sort of special romantic power. Use it to your advantage.”

“I was about to head home,” I say.

“Find your second wind. Trust me. It will be worth it.” Sadie grins at me, then shuffles onto the dance floor again. As soon as she clocks her, Devon wraps her arms around Sadie and they fall into a kiss that has Bobby ostentatiously fanning his face.

I’m not sure I have a second wind, but I only have to look at Cass in order to stay a little longer. I wait patiently until her chat ends, then walk up to her.

“You throw a great party,” I say.

“My feet are fucking killing me,” she sighs. “Shall we sit for a minute?”

I follow her to an area by the window—the same window I had my regular Friday night table at—where some chairs are set up.

“I’m exhausted and I’m drunk,” she says, “and I’m also over the moon that you’re here.”

“Thank goodness.” A smile spreads on my lips.

“I still like you so much…” She extends her hand, and I take it in mine. “I still think you’re so special.”

My tipsy brain is already beside itself. “Ditto,” I say. “Can we talk. Properly. Soon.”

“I’d like that.” She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. “Although all of tomorrow is booked for the worst hangover ever.” She grins at me. “You might want to stay away from me for that.”

“I’ve seen you in… various states.” I’m pretty sure I can deal with hungover Cass.

She chuckles and gestures at me. “How come you still look so good?” She shakes her head. “I don’t understand that about you.” She points all her fingers at herself. “Look at me. I’m a disheveled, drunk mess while you look like you’ve just arrived.”

“You must be wearing a very flattering pair of invisible glasses if that’s how you see me.”

---