Page 62 of This Is Who I Am

She grins and I’m delighted by the sudden mischief in her eyes.

“I was just going to say something thoroughly disrespectful.” Her body shudders with laughter and it’s a balm to my soul to see her chuckle, to see her shake off the heaviness of this moment.

“You have to tell me now. It would be cruel not to.”

“More cruel than being disrespectful?” She might be in the middle of menopause but when she’s playful like this, I get a glimpse of what Cass must have been like in her twenties—all naughtiness and sparkle.

“Very much so.”

“I was going to say that you’re too hot for your own good, Professor Raymond.” She scoots closer.

“Ain’t that the story of my life,” I joke. “Luckily, I’ve found someone extremely respectful.”

We burst into joint laughter which turns into kissing until all my worries are, once again, erased. The question is for how long.

* * *

Because we’re acquaintances-bordering-on-friends now, I have a private surfing date with Devon. But it’s as though the minute we take to the water, the waves have other plans.

“This happens sometimes,” Devon says. “The waves just die.” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. Either we go for a swim instead or a drink at The Bay.” She grins at me in a way that makes it pretty obvious which option she prefers.

After we’ve maneuvered out of our wetsuits and stowed away our boards, we reconvene at The Bay, basking in the early afternoon sun.

“How’s your dad’s house?” she asks over a bottle of Surfer Juice IPA.

“Suzy has set me up with two guys who will remove most of his old furniture.” I have found nothing of professional value in my dad’s papers, although, on a personal level, even though it felt like too much at times, it has helped me say my final goodbye to him. To go through his stuff with a fine-toothed comb. I still haven’t solved his last problem and I’ve come to accept that I never will—that it was his special way of saying a long goodbye.

“Are you going to live there?” Devon asks.

“Good question.” I stare into my coffee. “To be honest, when she’s not working, I spend most of my time at Cass’s house.” I’ve even stayed there a few times when she was in the restaurant downstairs, just August and me chilling on the couch.

“Wow. Have you booked the U-Haul already?” The skin around her eyes crinkles as she smiles.

“Hardly.”

“How’s it going with you two?”

“Good,” I say, and it’s true, but it’s not like it’s all been smooth sailing. “Every new relationship has its challenges, I guess. What was it like when you and Sadie first got together?”

Devon chuckles. “I’ve known Sadie since we were kids.” She nods, as though admitting to something. “But yes, of course we’ve had our challenges. Like her being straight, for starters.”

“She doesn’t look so straight now.”

“She’s bi and, well, she came to women later in life, as we like to say.” Devon tips the bottle to her lips, her tattooed arms toned and gorgeous.

“Her sexuality is fluid, you mean?” Everyone knows Sadie Ireland was married to her male co-star onKing & Prince.

“Yeah,” is all Devon replies. She’s so completely at ease with herself, I can’t help but needle her a little.

“You’re not afraid the fluidity can, um, flow back to where it came from?” I ask.

Devon chuckles. “Afraid? No.” She shakes her head. “I know Sadie loves me but I can’t control how she will feel in the future so it’s not something I worry about.” She twirls the neck of the bottle between her fingers. “We’re solid. I know that much and it’s more than enough.”

“You look very happy together.” My tone is suddenly wistful.

“Maybe you and Cass will be like Sadie and me in five years’ time,” she says, more a question than a statement. She might be needling me this time. Or going all life coach on me.

“I sure hope so, but…” I take the bait. There aren’t many people I can talk to about this.

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