Page 57 of This Is Who I Am

“Thanks.” Her smile is just as dazzling as her sister’s TV smile.

“I no longer have a job, so I can stay in Clearwater Bay as long as I want.”

“You don’t need to work?” Suzy asks.

“Turns out Daddy Raymond had a lot of money stashed away.” By the end of his life, he probably didn’t even remember—maybe that’s why he never told me. “My inheritance was sizable.”

“It’s good that you don’t have to rush back into work. That you can take your time to grieve and deal with all the practicalities no one ever warns you about.”

“And learn how to surf with Sadie and Devon.” I tried to catch some waves earlier today, but neither Sadie nor Devon was there, and it wasn’t as much fun on my own—it seemed almost impossible to stay on my board without their encouragement.

“If that’s your thing.” She smirks. “I’ve been the black sheep of the Ireland family ever since I stopped surfing in my teens. But just because I grew up by the ocean, doesn’t automatically make me a water person, you know? I like to walk. I like to feel the ground beneath my feet.”

“Sure.” A smile tugs at my lips. “Just like Cass. She’s very adamant about not surfing.” I remember what Devon told me about how beneficial it could be, mentally and physically, for women in the menopause. I’m sure Suzy has a different opinion on that.

“Yeah, me, Hunter and Cass are all land rats. We like to sit on the deck of The Bay and watch the surfers, but don’t put a board under our arm, thank you very much.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” I sip from my coffee. Suzy hasn’t touched her cupcake. “I’m not very good at it yet, but I love the weightlessness of it when I do manage to catch a wave and how I have to forget about everything else in order to stay on my board.”

“I get it. My dad, bless him, still surfs every single day for that very reason.”

“Good for him.”

“Can I ask you a personal question out of professional curiosity, please?” Suzy asks.

“Sure.”

“We’re the same age and I’ve been on hormone therapy for three years now. Where are you in your journey?”

“Nowhere, I think.”

“No symptoms? No mood swings? Hot flashes? Irregular periods?”

“No. I guess I’m a late bloomer.”

“Good for you, really. Maybe you are one of the lucky few women who breeze through it like it’s nothing, but it’s not like that for the majority of us… Cass, in particular, has had a rough time of it.”

I nod. “I know.” It’s hard to forget her meltdown prior to our first sleepover.

“And she refuses any medical help. She can be rather stubborn,” Suzy says.

“Yeah, she told me why.”

“Her mother’s cancer was not hormone-sensitive. Cass knows this, but it’s emotional for her. She can’t break the promise she made to her mother. She’d rather suffer.” Suzy sighs. “We’ve had so many conversations about it. I’ve sent her so many links to studies refuting what she believes. I’ve told her over and over again that she doesn’t have to be in pain because she’s a woman, but I might as well be talking to a brick wall. She refuses to hear me.”

“It’s her choice. If she has all the information, she decides.”

“True enough. I just hate to see her so distressed. So unlike she used to be.” She tilts her head as though asking, what about you? I don’t reply because I’m not Cass, although, obviously, I don’t enjoy seeing her go through yet another hot flash—but Cass is old and wise enough to make her own decisions.

“One thing did surprise me, though.” Suzy narrows her eyes.

“What’s that?” I wish I didn’t because it makes me more defensive, but I have developed a sixth sense about this so I know what’s coming.

“Please know that I’m not judging. I’m not in the business of judging. I’m aro, which is not the same, but it does mean I’m far from ignorant… Still, I was really surprised when Cass told me about the best sex of her life… in the menopause… with an asexual partner.”

“You could just be happy for her.” My voice is surprisingly steady.

“Oh, I am. I really am.” She pins her gaze on me. “And for you, of course. Cass is a wonderful person.”

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