Page 51 of This Is Who I Am

“You’re purely thinking in the interest of science. That can only be applauded.” I peel her hand away from her face. “And to answer your question, aren’t we going to brunch at a gay couple’s house? They probably buy lube by the liter.”

“I’m not asking Bobby and Hunter for lube.” That smile now seems a permanent fixture on her face.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

“No, no, no.” Cass rolls on top of me. “Do not give them that satisfaction. We will never hear the end of it from Bobby. Promise me you won’t ask my gay friends for lube.”

“Fine, I’ll ask Sadie Ireland instead.”

We laugh together, our bodies convulsing in unison. The joint glee turns into kissing and before I know it, Cass’s lips are trailing down my neck. Abruptly, she stops and slides off me.

“Sorry. I got carried away.”

“It’s okay. Really.” I reach for her. “It’s fine. You can’t physically hurt me. I just don’t… feel it the same way that you do.”

“When I kiss your neck, it doesn’t arouse you?” There’s the first hint of disappointment—one of the most difficult emotions to conceal in your tone of voice.

“No.” I don’t follow up with a ‘but’ or sugarcoat it. The truth has been too harsh in the past, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

Cass nods. As though she senses that she needs something to do with her hands, August shows up next to her. She scratches him softly behind the ear.

“I’m just a little scared to…” Cass’s voice is small and tight. “Get carried away. To cross your boundaries in the heat of the moment. That would make me feel terrible.”

“It’s going to happen because you’re human, but it’s okay. I have a voice. I’ll let you know.”

“And it will be less awkward than this?”

“Yes,” I say, although I can only hope. “A new situation always takes some getting used to, but it will be fine. And I won’t let you cross my boundaries. You can trust me on that.”

“Okay.” She slants her head. “What’s your take on showering together? I don’t want to brag, but the view from my bathroom window is pretty spectacular.”

While I’m not a hundred percent comfortable with getting completely naked—a prerequisite for a shower—with someone else, this morning with Cass, I can easily see it as just another way to show her what my limits are—because the sooner she knows, the better.

CHAPTER25

CASS

Every single one of my friends fawns over Estelle as though she is the greatest temporary inhabitant Clearwater Bay has ever seen. I totally get it. Every nice thing they say to her—or to me about her—couldn’t be more true.

“She’s gorgeous,” Bobby says.

“She’s incredibly smart,” Suzy says, after only fifteen minutes of conversation with Estelle, but you can’t argue with Suzy’s intuition for things like cleverness in people.

“Very promising on a surfboard,” Devon exclaims, staying the most levelheaded as usual.

“I can’t believe it,” Hunter says as he drags me into the kitchen. “What’s the catch here, Cass? Because as far as I can see, that woman that my gay husband may very well want to leave me for, is fucking perfect.” He’s being very Bobby about this. “There has to be something and I want to know what.”

“There’s nothing,” I say, although, obviously, nobody’s perfect. Neither is Estelle but after the orgasm she drew from my body last night, she might as well be the queen of Clearwater Bay. “I’m so smitten. I didn’t see it coming. Not even a little bit.”

“I can tell. You’ve barely touched my muffins,” Hunter says matter-of-factly. “Very unlike you.”

Suzy joins us in the kitchen. I’d love to talk to her in private, tell her what happened last night—how my body reacted in such an improbable way to Estelle—but I’ll have to wait until Hunter leaves.

“If you won’t tell me,” Hunter says, “I’ll find out for myself.” He pecks me quickly on the cheek. “I’m really happy for you, Cassie.”

“What does he want to find out?” Suzy asks.

Before I reply, I drag her into the empty living room, farther away from the backyard where everyone has gathered around the feast Hunter and Bobby have prepared to welcome Estelle.

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