Page 28 of This Is Who I Am

“I might just do that because we have a ‘proper’ date tomorrow.”

“Wonderful.” Suzy all but applauds me. “Word of advice: don’t tell Hunter. He’ll go nuts.” She retracts her hand.

I shake my head, ignoring her comment. There’s something else I have to tell her.

“The other day, Sarah stopped by.”

“Really?”

I wipe at a stubborn spot on the counter. “She’s pregnant.”

“Fuck.” Suzy tilts her head. “And how do you feel aboutthat?”

“I’m happy for her. I really am. She wanted kids. And Rose is… well, she’s a good match for her.” Most certainly a better match than I ever was. “She’ll be a great mom.”

“And yet, it has thrown you.”

“A little bit…” It’s only normal that the news of my ex being pregnant would unsettle me. “It’s not really about Sarah. I guess it made me realize how much I’ve convinced myself that certain things just aren’t in the cards for me anymore.”

Suzy doesn’t jump in right away, which is one of the things I love about her. She lets me sit with my own words for as long as I need. She once told me that it took endless hours of life coach training for her to be able to do this.

Finally, after we’ve been silent for a while, she does speak. “Could it be that Sarah’s pregnancy is reminding you of the version of yourself who wanted to make things work with her? Even when you knew, deep down, that you couldn’t.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” I sort of meant what I said to Estelle last night about enjoying my quiet, non-tumultuous life.

“And now, you’ve met someone who, on paper, might be very compatible, and it’s throwing you for a loop.”

I let out a sharp breath. “It’s not just that. It’sme.” I tap a hand against my chest. “I don’t even know if I’m capable of being with someone anymore.”

“Of course, you are.”

I shake my head. “After Sarah, I shut that part of myself off. I had to.” No sex. No relationships. Easy-peasy.

“I know.” Her voice is warm and gentle. “And for a long time, that made sense. But what if this is different?” Once Suzy gets going, it’s hard to stop her. “Why don’t you just see what happens?” She pats my arm, her touch very different than before.

“Burgers at The Bay tomorrow,” I say. “We’ll see.”

“I’ll try not to meet up with Hunter for drinks there at the same time.” She shoots me a crooked smile.

“You’d better not.”

“You’d better call me with news as soon as you can.”

“As I said, we’ll see.” I clear our plates.

“As long as you keep making me grilled cheese sandwiches like this, you can do whatever you want.” Suzy blows me a kiss and then smiles at me the way only a best friend who knows you through-and-through can.

CHAPTER16

ESTELLE

I’m only pretending to brood on the problem in my notebook. I’m about an hour early for my date with Cass, but I couldn’t stay at my dad’s house one minute longer.

“Penny for your thoughts.” A vaguely familiar voice pulls me from my reverie on the deck of The Bay.

I look into Devon’s friendly face, the early evening sun catching the fine salt spray in her hair.

“Are you working?” She rests her hands on the chair opposite me. “I don’t want to disturb you.”

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