Page 25 of When the Moon Met the Sun

Who am I?

Chapter Ten

It’d been nearly a week since I’d seen Robyn last, and I continuously had to remind myself not to care.

The last time I saw him was the day I ruined all of the elixirs. After he had left the room, I didn’t know where he went. Teagan, who seemed to know what happened that day but had yet to say anything to neither confirm nor deny, had been bringing me some sort of breakfast every morning. She mentioned once that he was out on a routine mission, but she didn’t specify any more than that, and I didn’t have the heart to ask. She checked in daily, but she didn’t stay long. Sometimes she offered to help do my hair, and the one time I agreed, I realized she’s a complete master at it. I had been so out of it on my wedding day that I hadn’t taken the time to appreciate her talents, but after she braided my hair into a beautiful crown around my head today and adorned it with small purple flowers, I made sure to let her know I appreciated her efforts. I had been rewarded with one of the few genuine smiles of hers I had seen.

She had also gifted me with a special kind of eye patch, one that sat on my cheek bone and nose just so, and somehow balanced so well, that it didn’t slip or fall off. Teagan advised me that if I was going to be seen by the people, then I needed to hide the changeuntil we decided how to handle it, along with figuring out what it all meant.

I had a feeling she was simply handling the situation the best she could until Robyn got back. It felt odd to cover one of my eyes, but I understood her concern, and obliged.

I was dressed in a lilac purple top that was even softer than my white, fur blanket, along with a pair of gray, leather pants Teagan had let me borrow. The lilac top matched the flowers in my hair perfectly.

I still only had my boots from back home, so I slid those onto my feet and padded out of the room and down the hallway, towards the main section of The Haven.

I’d been staying in my original room since Robyn disappeared. The mess of broken glass and bubbly elixir had been cleaned up and the door replaced the same day it had been burned, which I suspected Robyn had a hand in, maybe even Teagan. The two seemed closer than I had originally thought.

It had felt too odd to stay in Robyn’s room without him, even though his room felt more like home than anywhere else in the castle.

Since I didn’t know what to do with myself the day after Robyn vanished, I decided to start doing research of my own about what was happening to me. I’d been going to The Haven’s royal library every day since. It wasn’t quite as grand as the library in Gatlyn Castle, which had spires and bookshelves that went up countless levels, but it still felt comfortable. It made me feel normal again, being surrounded by leather, paper, and ink.

The library back home had classified knowledge that we obtained through the humans of the Levast Isles. Centuries ago, the humans were allies with my ancestors in the North. The humans had always been known for their expanse of knowledge, and when they closed their borders, they allowed their previous allies to keep what tomes had been gifted to them. But since those tomes werecenturies old at that point, they were kept away from the main part of the library, classified and unread. The thought always left a bad taste in my mouth. Shouldn’t knowledge be accessible to all?

I allowed my feet to guide me toward The Haven’s library, knowing the route by heart now. It was one of the only places in the castle I knew how to get to, after having asked a guard the day after Robyn’s departure to lead me there. He had seemed hesitant, nervous even, but I do suppose being queen had some perks, as he quickly gave in and showed me the way.

Being a Northerner did, too, because almost everybody in the library left me to my own business.

Almost.

“Is Laurence here today?” I asked the female named Maya sitting at the entryway. She was here every day like clockwork, from sunrise to sunset. She had curly, dark hair to match her chocolate skin, though her eyes were the most striking, as they were the color of a sunset—a brown so full of color it took your breath away. With her dark skin, I assumed she hailed from the Ocrein Isles, but I never asked to confirm.

Maya shook her head and gave me an apologetic look from underneath the hood of her forest green cloak. That was one thing I still didn’t quite understand—a good amount of the library’s servants simply didn’t talk, or talked only when absolutely necessary.

The only one who had said more than a few words to me so far was Laurence. He seemed to be about Father’s age, likely a little younger, and had gray sprinkled throughout his brown hair, also like my father. But unlike Father, Laurence seemed to be kind and helpful. He’s been showing me around the library all week long, helping me without even knowing the origins of my curiosities.

He had shown up out of nowhere after I spent an hour wandering the library, trying to figure out how things had been categorized, and where to find the information I wanted. Since then, he’d been nearby to help whenever Ineeded it, green cloak and all.

“Thank you, anyways. If he shows up, tell him he knows where to find me,” I said to Maya, then walked through the entryway and into the main part of the library.

Stepping into the massive space, I wondered if I’d ever tire of coming here. The main part of the structure was made of different shades of deep brown wood, while the floor was made up of a beautiful, vibrant red granite, speckled with dark crystals that seemed to match the walls. The pillars that lined all the rows of bookshelves matched the floor, but seemed to be carved with images of different creatures or plants you’d find in the South. One showcased a family of foxes, while another seemed to be entirely encased in what I believed to be some type of poisonous plant.

The next pillar I passed as I walked deeper inside resembled a creature I instantly recognized. It was like one of the giant wolves I had seen in the Southern procession that had led me to The Haven, and who had made our trip so much quicker.

I reached out as I passed and lightly touched the tip of the creature’s nose, almost affectionately.

My feet continued to carry me deeper into the library until I found the small area I had been utilizing for the past week. There was a long, leather couch with a matching reclining chair, both facing a low table. The bookshelves surrounded the area in a way where there was just enough privacy that I could lay out all the books I collected on the table without fear of being watched or stared at.

The books I had been studying yesterday were still on the table, in a neat stack on one end. I sighed, remembering how unhelpful they were. Gathering them all up, I placed them on a return cart resting around the corner.

Padding back to the table, I sat down in the leather chair and dug my fingers into my temples.

I had already tried to look into eyes changing colors, and had come up empty handed there. When I looked into Southernpowers, I found that tears could indeed sprout flowers. It has something to do with how zirilium can often be tied to the wielder’s emotions. I had always known that my Northern zirilium were closely intertwined with my feelings, but I didn’t know many other wielders growing up, so I didn’t know all zirilium could work that way at times. Apparently, learning to wield outside of your emotions was a difficult feat.

I tried not to let it bother me too much, the fact that Robyn had been there to witness that. Now I was confident he knew I could wield—though I was sure he didn’t know exactlywhatI could wield.

Even I wasn’t confident in the full extent of that one.

While scouring the library, I had also looked into natural ingredients and combinations in elixirs that could nullify or suppress specific zirilium, but only found partial answers. There had been accounts of some trokavs using different concoctions to somewhat suppress the entirety of a wielder’s zirilium, but never just part of somebody’s zirilium. And these accounts said nothing about eyes changing color.

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