Page 94 of What if It's Us

“What? No. God, no.”

“Are you running away from responsibility? Did you tell her she’s on her own?”

I shake my head. “I’m literally doing the opposite of that.”

“Then you’re already doing better than he did.”

I let Coach’s words sink in for a minute. They don’t fix everything, but there’s a tiny shift inside me that I can feel.

“You’re not scared because you’re like him, Ledger. You’re scared because you’renothim. You care. That’s what’s keeping you up at night. But that’s what’ll make you a good dad.”

I stare out at the ice again, willing myself not to cry in front of my coach, but someone forgot to tell my quivering chin. “I don’t want my kid to grow up afraid of me…or worse, without me.”

“Then don’t let that happen,” Coach states, his voice stern but kind. “Simple as that.”

“Was it always that simple with Corrigan, Coach?”

He throws his head back in immediate laughter. “Oh fuck no. She’s always been a spitfire piece of work who still has me learning how to be a good father well into my late fifties.”

Well damn.

“But that’s the great thing about being a parent, Ledger,” he adds. “It’s a lot like hockey. You’ll make a few bad plays. You won’t always have a winning season. But as long as you learn from each mistake, learn and grow, well, that’s what matters, isn’t it?”

I turn my head to face him. “You mean winning The Cup every year isn’t the most important thing?”

Coach laughs again and then flips me off before he stands up. “Touche, asshole. Come on. Let’s go. You can panic again tomorrow.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

MARLEE

8 WEEKS LATER

My legs swing nervously off the edge of the exam table, the crinkly paper underneath me crackling every time I shift. Ledger sits beside me in chair that is at least two sizes too small for him, knees to his chest, clutching a plastic water bottle like it might save him. It’s comical to witness, really.

My palms are a little sweaty and I’m not sure if it’s from nerves or the fact that Ledger keeps bouncing his knee like he’s about to be called in for a penalty.

“You good?” he asks like he’s not the one who looks like he might throw up at any moment.

“I’m fine. You’re the one who’s nervous. You’re vibrating like a high-speed dildo.”

He opens his mouth to argue but when he sees my unwavering expression, he takes my hand instead. His palm is warm and slightly clammy.

“Nervous? I’m not nervous,” he says with a little more confidence. “I’m preparing myself for when we hear it’s triplets again.”

My eyes nearly bulge out of my head. “Triplets? Again? Ledge, this is our very first ultrasound. In what universe did you think we were having triplets?”

“Sorry.” He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “I’ve had this crazy dream several times since you said you were pregnant that we went to our first ultrasound and found out we were having triplets.”

I let out a nervous laugh. “Uh, how about we work on never ever having that dream again, okay?” I squeeze his hand. “I’m not sure I could handle more than one baby right now. One is what I signed up for.”

“Yeah. Sorry. I don’t think I’ve processed that this is all really real—and really happening—until right now.”

You and me both.

I thought I would be doing this whole thing alone.

I never imagined I’d be at this appointment with anyone, let alone Ledger Dayne.

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