Page 40 of What if It's Us

She laughs. “He can definitely spring for a candy bar, wouldn’t you think?”

“If he doesn’t buy the whole chocolate aisle for you,” Bear says, pointing to me, “you report back to us and we’ll handle him for you.”

“Thanks Bear.”

“She’ll get whatever she wants,” I say, only having eyes for her. I let go of her hand and then wrap an arm around her shoulders. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

I accompany Marlee down the hall to the elevators so we can stop at her office to grab her things. She’s unusually quiet and I can tell something is weighing heavily on her mind.

She said herself if she gets her period we just try again.

Is she upset over something else?

Did my limerick offend her?

I know I’m not that great at them but I was actually kind of impressed with myself.

She makes it into the elevator before she breaks down and turns toward me, burying her head in my chest.

Whoa!

“I’m so sorry, Ledger,” she cries. The tears spilling down her cheeks are like a thousand tiny vises twisting inside my chest. AllI want to do is lift her into my arms and tell her everything is going to be okay. But we don’t have that kind of relationship.

“Hey…” Not knowing whether I should touch her or not, especially while we’re at work, I chuck everyone’s opinions in the fuck-it bucket and wrap my arms around her anyway. I smooth one hand on the back of Marlee’s head, threading my fingers through her long soft hair, and drag my other hand up and down her back. She’s not stepping away from me and I won’t deny that it feels good to be able to hold her. “Marlee you have nothing to be sorry for. Absolutely nothing.”

“I really wanted to be able to tell you I was pregnant,” she cries. “I mean I know it doesn’t always work on the first go, but I was so hopeful and you’ve been…more than I could have asked for. You’re an amazing person and…you really went above and beyond for me and I don’t want to let you down.”

“Let me down? Marlee?” I bring my hands up to cup her face, swiping her tears away with my thumbs. “You are never letting me down. We’ll just give it another go is all. I mean I totally get why you’re upset and your feelings are valid here, but this isn’t the end. I’m not a one-and-done kind of guy. We can try again, right?”

“Yeah.” She nods.

“I told you I’m in this with you, okay? So, I’m in it all the way. We’ll try as many times as we need to. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I just…” She sighs. “I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t have to be a burden to you when the season starts up. We’ll be traveling a lot and?—”

“Mar, look at me.”

She raises her eyes until she meets my stare and I swear to God I would do anything to take away the sadness gazing back at me. “I need you to hear me when I tell you this, okay? Like really hear me.”

She nods. “Okay.”

Speaking pointedly but tenderly, I tell her, “You have never been nor will you ever be a burden to me Marlee Remington. Please believe me when I tell you this.” I press my lips softly to her forehead, wishing like hell I could capture her lips with mine and kiss away all her sadness. I lean back to look at her. “Are you hearing me?”

“Yeah,” she whispers. “I hear you.”

The elevator door dings before it opens. Feeling the need to pull herself together she stands up a little taller and steps away from me, leading us both down the short hallway to her office.

She smiles halfheartedly to Layken who is working at her desk and then tells me, “I’ll just be a minute.”

I nod and then stop at Layken’s desk to say hello while I wait for Marlee. “Hey Lake.”

“Hey Ledger! Long time, no see.” Layken’s brows pinch as she watches Marlee and then she shoots a glance to me and whispers, “She okay?”

I shake my head. “Period.”

Layken’s shoulders fall and she murmurs, “No baby.”

“Correct. It’s okay though. We’ll just keep trying.”

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