Page 8 of What if It's Us

“No, I love it here,” I tell her. “Don’t get me wrong. My job is amazing. The guys on the team are so down-to-earth and friendly. There’s not one who is hard to work with.”

“Okay.” Her brows furrow. “So why do you need me now more than ever?”

“Well…” I steal one more breath before digging into the meat and potatoes of my life. “Remember I told you I had something I wanted to talk to you about?”

She nods. “Yeah.”

“Okay, so, I’m just going to come out with it.” I sit up straight and look my bestie in the eye as I tell her, “I’ve been thinking long and hard over the last several months about trying to have a baby.”

“Okay.” Blakely smiles. “I never doubted you would want to be a mom one day. Why is that news?”

“Because I want to do it alone,” I say, hoping she isn’t going to chastise my crazy idea.

“Right.” She leans back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest. “Because Anthony is no longer in the picture.”

“Right.” I nod and then wave my hand. “So long, douche nozzle. Fuck you very much for caring.”

Blakely snickers. “Yeah, you did the right thing there. So why have a baby now then? Why not wait for the right guy? Or gal…let’s say partner. Whatever floats your boat.”

I shrug my shoulder. “Because I’m tired of waiting for the right guy. I’m not so sure he exists. I’m over thirty now so the clock is ticking and I just feel…I don’t know. I feel ready. Like this is my time.”

“And you’re not worried about going it alone? Especially with your travel schedule?”

I shake my head, pursing my lips. “Not in the slightest. My mom raised me all alone…well, for the most part. And she did a pretty damn good job if I do say so myself.”

Blakely smiles. “That she did. You’re perfect.”

“Ugh.” I rip off a piece of my hotdog bun and toss it in my mouth. “If I were perfect, I’d be married and having the best sex of my life with a super-hot guy who turns out to be the perfect dad.” I sit up taller, trying to appear more confident. “But that’s okay. I can do this. And as far as my work schedule goes, my mom moved to Anaheim a few years ago to be closer to me so I know she’ll help out. And we have excellent childcare at the arena.”

“Well alright then.” Blakely nods and gestures to my stomach. “Let’s get you a bun to put in that oven. How is that going to happen, by the way? Do you go to sperm bank or do you have to know a guy willing to make a donation?”

“Actually, you can do it either way. They even have home insemination kits you can buy over the counter.”

She lifts a brow. “Don’t they just call those turkey basters?”

I huff a laugh. “They may as well, right? You can buy anything online these days...”

I glance away, unsure if I should tell Blakely about Ledger Dayne or not. Hell, I don’t even know if what happened a few nights ago in New Orleans was real or not.

Was Ledger being my donor all Layken’s idea?

Is it a ridiculous idea?

I mean, I know him so it could be weird.

And chances are he’s not the least bit interested.

Unless heisinterested.

Is he really thinking about it?

“What aren’t you telling me, Mar?” Blakely asks, eyeing me curiously.

Her voice pulls me back to reality. “Huh?”

“You went somewhere in your head just now. So, what aren’t you telling me?”

She’s always been able to read me like a book. It’s her best friend superpower.

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