Page 65 of What if It's Us

“How could I have been so stupid?” I whimper.

What is happening to me?

Am I going crazy?

No.

I’m fine.

I’m okay.

Breathe.

Everything is going to be fine.

Breathe.

We can just wait another month.

Breathe.

It’s no big deal.

What’s another month when you’ve been waiting years?

We’ll just be in full blown hockey season and we’ll be on the road constantly but it’s fine. We can make it work, right? I’ve waited this long; I can wait again. Ledger will still be willing, right? He won’t get tired of this and walk away, right?

“Not a chance, Mar.”

My eyes fly open and I move my arm to see Ledger hovering over me.

“What?”

He tenderly wipes a few tears from my cheek and softly replies, “I said not a chance. I’m not going anywhere.” He leans over the bed again grabbing his t-shirt and wiping his sticky hand. “We can try as many times as you want. And you don’t have to wait until next month. We can take care of this right now.”

“Wait. You heard what I was thinking?” I ask him with dipped brows.

He smiles gently. “When you think your thoughts out loud, yes.”

I shake my head, my chin quivering when his eyes stare into mine, and whisper, “I’m so sorry, Ledger. I didn’t mean to?—”

“Shhh.” He places his soft finger over my lips. “You don’t need to apologize for anything, Marlee. All is not lost. I can still give you what you want. What you need.”

“But—” He stops my words by lowering himself against me and it’s then that it sinks in what Ledger is offering.

He’s offering to give me what I need the old-fashioned way.

He’s offering to fuck me.

“Ledger…”

“Just say the word, Marlee.” He scoops his hand through my hair and brushes his thumb against my cheek as he gazes down at me, the rest of his body held up by his forearms. “I won’t do it without your permission but say the word and we can do this.”

Sex with Ledger.

Would this mean something?

I’ve never slept with a man I didn’t have feelings for.

---