Page 57 of What if It's Us

Layken glances at Ella and says with a shrug, “She knew before I did so…”

Ella sighs, her shoulders releasing her tension. “At least three years.”

My eyes bulge. “Three years?”

She nods.

“Fucking fuck!” I raise my arms out to my sides and let them fall haphazardly. “You mean all those times I was fighting with current exes or wondering if my life was ever going to actually be something I dreamed of…all those nights I spent crying myself to sleep over a stupid douche of a man, I could have had Ledger fucking Dayne?”

Ella and Layken give each other a guilty glance and then they both nod.

“Why didn’t he ever just ask me? Why didn’t he ever tell me how he felt?”

Ella smiles kindly. “Because that’s the vulnerable part of Ledger that everyone loves about him. He’s too kind to want to break apart any relationship you might have been in. And then after a while he just assumed it was never going to happen and accepted it. He gets nervous around you because he has feelingsfor you. It’s the cutest thing to all of us, but you never really noticed.”

“But why didn’t anyone tell me before?”

“It wasn’t our dream to tell,” Ella explains. “Ledger does things on his own timeline. We knew it would happen eventually.”

Corrigan nods. “Truth. One hundred percent. And then you asked him to be your baby donor.”

“Oh, my God!” I gasp. “Is that why you brought it up at Scarlett’s wedding? When we were dancing together? You knew how he felt, didn’t you?”

Layken throws her arm over my shoulder. “Babe, I write romance books for a living when I’m not here at the arena. What do you think?”

I huff a deep breath, shaking my head in complete and utter disbelief. “All this time I could’ve had Ledger Dayne in my bed. In my heart. He could’ve been the man of my wettest dreams.”

Ella laughs at my outburst. “Girl, you can still have all that and more. You are in the position to have this man’s babies and he is willingly giving them to you. Now what do you think that says, huh?”

“She’s right.” Blakely nods. “All is definitely not lost. We can work with this.”

Since I started workingfor the Anaheim Stars several years ago, I’ve never once felt awkward or nervous to speak in front of the team in order to do any part of my job. I’ve always been organized and confident, making sure that the players have what they need and know the plan for the day ahead of them. Today though, is our first team meeting of the season and now I’mstaring at a group of brawny, attractive men, one of which has seen and touched my body in ways none of the other men here have. God knows how many of them know about it, although judging by the looks on some of their faces I would guess probably all of them.

I’m not sure yet if an entire hockey team knowing about me and Ledger is a blessing or a curse. Especially when he’s doing me a favor. It’s not like we’re fucking on the regular or anything.

Or fucking at all for that matter.

But now that I know Ledger has a crush on me…that he’s felt this way for years…I’m suddenly nervous as hell.

“Hi guys. It’s great to have you all back. I just want to give everyone a quick update on the operations side of things so you can be prepared as we go forward and so you can keep your focus on what you do best while I take care of the nitty gritty details,” I start.

I steal a glance at my iPad of notes and then scan the room quickly, knowing full well that Ledger is in this room. As if I could feel the energy coming from him, he’s the first person I see when I look up. Leaning against the wall in the back, our eyes meet but only fleetingly because no way in hell can I let his presence distract me from my job.

“First up is travel logistics for Saturday’s scrimmage against Minnesota. All transportation has been confirmed. We’ll be leaving at 2:00 P.M. sharp on Friday so please be at the arena ready for the airport shuttle at 1:30 with bags loaded. No delays. We will leave without you. Even if you’re…” I glance at Ledger again just fast enough to notice the perfectly fitted black t-shirt he has on and the sculpted biceps protruding from the sleeves. “A top scorer or whatever.”

Several heads nod and I see a few of the guys entering info into their phones. I lift my eyes again, letting them linger a littletoo long in Ledger’s direction before I pull my gaze back to my iPad.

Shit Marlee.

Do the meeting.

Say all the things.

Don’t make it awkward.

“Uh, equipment,” I announce, shaking the distracting thoughts from my head. “If anyone has specific needs or changes to equipment, please talk to Isaac or me—preferably before game day…or, uh today, would even be great since I’m here…you know, talking about operations and such.”

There’s a collective chuckle around the room and I can feel my heartrate accelerating inside my chest. I pause briefly and take a breath, trying my best to avoid making eye contact with Ledger. I fail miserably though and allow my eyes to wander in his direction a fourth time, but just as I think I see the corners of his mouth turning up, I look back to my iPad again.

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