Page 38 of What if It's Us

I wish she would know me. Really fucking know me. Not just as the nice guy donating sperm. Not just Ledger Dayne the professional hockey player on the team she works for, but as the real me. Ledger Dayne, the child who grew up knowing how it felt to not be in a loving home for years at a time. The kid who was told over and over again by one foster family after another that his parents didn’t love him enough to keep him around. The kid who grew up knowing his father killed his mother. The kid who never expected to be anything in life. I wish Marlee would see the real me because I’m not that insecure, angry kid anymore. I found the perfect family for me. I found the talent inside me that would pave the way for a successful hockey career. I now have the world’s best hockey brothers that I consider an extension of my family. And for the past several years I’ve had my sights set on Marlee Remington, the perfect woman for me. The perfect partner to have by my side. I can look at her and see her as my wife. I can see her as the mother of my children. I can see us happy together. I don’t know, maybesomewhere along the way I’ve become the guy who believes in soulmates because I wholeheartedly believe Marlee is mine.

Sure, I’ve looked at other women over the years. And yeah, I’ve even slept with more than a handful, but every single one of them is inconsequential to me when it comes to Marlee. She’s it for me, I know it.

If only she knew it too.

Me

There once was a night full of flair, with my sperm and your egg, what a pair! Now I sit here and reckon from that steamy hot second, I sure hope there’s a bun baking in there!

That’sthe text I sent Marlee early this morning before I left for the gym. It took me an hour before the sun came up to find the right rhyming words in hopes she would appreciate my attempt to match her humor. We haven’t seen much of each other these past two weeks. Just a few minutes here or there on top of a team meeting about the preseason. I didn’t see her car in the lot when I got here this morning but I know she doesn’t always work from the arena during the off season. Even the front office team deserves their downtime. Hopefully I’ll hear from her soon.

“Evan! Dude! You’re looking like fire out there today man! Your cross-over skating is much improved as is your balance control. That’s crucial to your success on the ice. Well done, Bud. Keep it up.”

My newest young hockey friend at Pucks & Blades beams back at me and then raises his hand to offer me a high five. “Thanks, Mr. Dayne. Did you see me block that puck when I was at the net?”

“I sure did,” I tell him with a nod. “Who knows, you might just be the next Barrett Cunningham one day, huh?”

A sour grunt comes from behind me as Barrett skates up to where Evan and I are standing on the ice.

“What’s the matter, Bear?” I ask him, slapping him on the back. “You afraid of a young kid showing you up?”

Bear scoffs and playfully rolls his eyes. “As if.”

“That’s okay.” Evan shakes his head, grimacing. “Being goalie is fun but I think I like skating fast better than standing in front of a stupid net all day while my teammates do all the work.”

Bear’s jaw unhinges as I throw back a hearty laugh and offer Evan a fist bump. “Oooh, that one burned eh, Bear?”

Bear narrows his eyes at a grinning Evan. “Is that what you think I do? Stand there all day in front of a stupid net?”

Evan nods. “Uh huh. And then every once in a while you get to do a cool split that blocks a puck. Yay you.”

Oh man. This kid is the king of sass and I am here for it!

“You know,” Bear smooths his hand over his beard, “it’s a darn good thing you like skating fast.”

“Why?” Evan asks.

“Because I’m about to kick your little?—”

“Ahhh!”

I watch amused as Barrett chases after a speeding Evan knowing without a doubt that Barrett will catch him and give him a proper shake down for his teasing comments.

“What’s that all about?” Harrison asks as the other kids head off the ice for the day.

“Ah, nothing. Evan decided to dis Bear right to his face,” I explain, chuckling as we watch the two of them laughing at the other end of the ice. “Bear’s good with kids. Who knew?”

Harrison laughs next to me. “I knew. But only because Bear has helped with Pucks & Blades for years so I’ve seen him around kids before. He may act tough as balls when he’s out hereon the ice,” he says, nudging me, “but we all know he’s a giant softy.”

“Truth.” I nod. “Come on. I’ll help you clean up.”

Together, Harrison and I collect the pucks and pick up the cones we used for today’s practice and then we hand everything off to our equipment manager, Isaac. I head to the locker room where I take off my skates and practice clothes and then change back into my street gear.

“You got plans for the rest of the day?” Harrison asks as Bear struts into the room looking victorious.

I shake my head. “Nope. No plans. Figured I’d watch a few tapes and go over a few things before training camp starts.”

“Want to grab lunch?”

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