Page 60 of Changing Rules

“Shh.” Xander pulls me to his chest and rests his chin on top of my shoulder. “There’s nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong. You were honest with me, and that’s all that matters.”

But I hurt you.That’s what I want to tell him.

“I love you,” he whispers, nuzzling my neck. “I love you so fucking much, and that will never change.” He squeezes me harder, his hold so tight, it’s hard to breathe.

“I love you,” I whisper, pressing my knees to the mattress and sliding down his length again. I’m drenched and filled with his cum, making it easy to take him deep.

As I slowly roll my hips, he drops his head back with a deep sigh and grasps my waist, gently this time, controlling my movements.

“I love you, Xander.”

I tell him that again and again as I caress his skin, kiss his lips and neck.

I will never not love him.

Making love after such intensity was otherworldly, like we’d tumbled into heaven after our last round of orgasms. Tenderness filled every touch; every kiss radiated warmth and care.

But since that night, one thought has plagued me.

He was hurt by my truth.

It brought him so much pain. Even when he was enraptured, he couldn’t hide it.

I hate myself for that. He loves me irrevocably and completely, regardless of my imperfections and my shitty past—because of them, even. Yet my love is shattering him, breaking him into pieces. I’m wreaking havoc on his soul.

Each time I allow myself to think about it, the realization suffocates me.

“Babe?” Xander appears, dressed in nothing but a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips. “What do you have going on today?”

“Work.” I smile at him as I slide my laptop off the coffee table and onto my lap.

He comes closer, his eyes glinting in that way that makes my chest ache with happiness. I’ve never been in such an affectionate relationship.

“I’m bored,” he announces.

“I noticed.” I smirk as I log in to my email.

“Bella, it’s an emergency.” He drops onto the couch and pulls me into his arms. “I’m dying of boredom.”

Laughing, I lean against him, letting his sandalwood scent envelop me. I soak in the moment, memorizing every detail. Being held like this will be impossible once I leave for New York.

“Can you take a day off?”

“Another one?” I look at him over my shoulder. “You convinced me to blow off work yesterday. Have you forgotten?”

“No.” He nuzzles my neck, inhaling deeply. “Just one more day? I have no idea what to do with myself. I’ve already gone for a run. I can always go to the gym, but I don’t really want to go alone. I’m doomed.”

I sigh, biting the inside of my cheek. Ben sent me a few files to work on, but it shouldn’t take long to get through them. “Give me two hours to get through what’s waiting in my inbox. Think you can occupy yourself for that long?”

“I could occupy myself more easily if you were in bed with me.” He shifts, grasping my face and tracing my bottom lip with his tongue.

An annoyed groan slips out of my chest. “I hate when you’re like this.”

“Like what?” He buries his hand in my hair, brow arched.

“When you’re so bored you won’t leave me alone, and I’m forced to hide from you,” I chide.

“You’re adorable.” He laughs. “I can’t help myself.” With a quick kiss, he releases me and stands. “I’ll find a way to keep myself entertained, as you suggested, but I’ll be back in two hours.”

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