Page 54 of Changing Rules

I don’t deserve him. I’ll only bring more havoc into his life.

“Bella, please, let’s go?”

“Okay,” I agree.

With a relieved sigh, he takes my hand and guides me to the car.

He buckles my seat belt then rounds the hood and slides in beside me. I keep silent. I owe him apologies, explanations—just not now. I’m not ready.

“How about you sleep?” he says as he drives away from the place where I grew up. His voice is so tender, even after everything he heard.

Tears prick at the backs of my eyes.I’m bad for him.

“I don’t want to sleep.”

“Then don’t.” He chuckles lightly.

He taps a nervous rhythm on the steering wheel with his fingers. His knuckles are bloody, but he doesn’t pay them any attention. He isn’t okay, but he’s trying to hide it.

I’m bad for him.

“Tell me about your day,” I beg him. “Please.”

“Well, I slept terribly.” He huffs a laugh. “My girl shut me out because I lied to her. I deserve it, obviously, but I would’ve slept better beside her. I missed her cuddles—I’m going to beg her for a double dose tonight, just so you know.”

“What makes you think your punishment is over?” I haven’t forgiven him for his lies, but what happened tonight makes them feel far less significant.

If he wants to be friends with Stacey, he can. I have no right to tell him otherwise. I just want honesty.

“It is over.” He stops at a traffic light and holds my gaze, determination written all over his face. “I was a jerk to you, a total asshole. I’m sorry I hid things from you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was going. I’ll never do that again.Ever,” he says, putting emphasis on that last word. “But I have a new rule: Closed doors are prohibited in our house. Permanently.”

“You’re pretty bossy for someone who still hasn’t been forgiven,” I say.

He puts his hand on my knee and squeezes lightly. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

I nod, giving him a half smile. I owe him an apology too, for what he discovered tonight, but before I can do that, I need to explain my history with Kevin. Everything this time, not what I’ve chosen to believe. Xander has a right to know.

“How was practice?” I ask.

“Good. It was good.” He shrugs. “I’m suspended for two weeks.”

My heart lurches. “What?”

“Miller saw the pictures too. He threw a ball in my face at the end of practice, and I lashed out. Drew held me back, but Coach saw me getting physical, so he suspended me for two weeks.” He side-eyes me, then focuses on the road. “I’m not sure what will happen if your stepf—that man files charges against me.” Another far too casual shrug. “Might need to look for another team. I don’t know.”

My stomach roils, bile clawing up my esophagus. Dinner was a total disaster from the start, but now, with the threat ofKevin pressing charges on top of Xander’s suspension? It’s a catastrophe.

What if he gets kicked off the team because of me? Because of my family?Fuck.

I hide my face in my hands, silently screaming. It’s one thing after another, each one worse than the last, and they’re all because of me. I’m ruining Xander’s life.

“I’m so sorry for everything. For Jake, for Kevin, for my mother. I’m so sorry.” Tears crest my lashes, but I force myself to meet his gaze.

He presses a palm to my cheek. “Don’t be. Okay?” His whisper sounds wounded. “I want to ask you something, desperately, but I don’t want to force you to talk about it.”

I take his hand in mine and tenderly thread my fingers through his, afraid to hurt him. Whatever happens next, one thing is certain: Xander is my blessing, and I am his curse. I’m not right for him. I’m nothing but a source of destruction, his personal Pandora’s box.

Audrey was right all along. No wonder she hates me.

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