Page 38 of A Not So Merry Ex-Mas

I wait for her to meet my gaze before I even think about what I want to say to her. The pained expression she turns to me has my heart drop into my stomach. I gently squeeze her hand again and take in a slow, deep breath.

Here goes nothing.

Chapter Seventeen

Noelle

“I asked my agentto talk with the general managers for both the Rays’ and Bees’ to discuss if they would be open to trading me.”

My heart slams into my stomach, and my entire body goes cold. Tears push at the back of my eyes.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand.” I force the words through my tight throat.

“I asked for a trade,” Cole’s eyes pin me. My heart is like a battering ram against my ribcage. “From Tampa Bay to SaltLake City.”

His words penetrate the emotional haze that’s left my body weak, and I feel tears start to stream down my face.

“Why would you do that?” I ask, my voice hoarse. I close my eyes, feeling heat creep up my entire body. The shame at what he would do pours over me in waves.

Cole cups my face with his free hand and wipes my tears. “Do you really not know why?”

I look down at my lap and shake my head back and forth.

“Bug,” he whispers. When I don’t look up, he puts his thumb under my chin and gently nudges it up.

His eyes shine in the firelight, and my mouth dries at the intensity of what I see staring back at me.

“Because I loved you. I loved you so much that you not being with me to share my dream somehow didn’t make my dream worth living. I wanted…no…I needed to be with you.” He stops, and I can see his throat move as he swallows before he carries on. “After I met you, everything changed for me. My life was no longer just about baseball, but about the life we would share and baseball.”

I stare at him because I’m stunned into silence. I think of how I didn’t want to ruin his life. How I feltthat by relieving him of my burdens, I was somehow helping. But instead of helping, I…

“I knew you were struggling.” He looks away for a moment but then looks back at me with a determination in his eyes that I am all too familiar with. “And it was killing me. You couldn’t come to me, so I was going to try to move heaven and earth to come to you. But I couldn’t.”

The weakness in his voice as he speaks makes my stomach tighten. My hand lifts to his cheek, and when he squeezes his eyes and leans into my palm, tears fall freely from my eyes.

When he opens his eyes and looks at me, his pained expression makes my chest tighten.

“Cole, I am so very sorry,” I whisper. “I was only trying to help you focus on your dream. I never meant to—”

“Crush me?” His lips quirk, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “I know. I also knew that when you started becoming too busy to talk to me, it was only a matter of time before you pushed me away completely.”

I close my eyes and drop my head, thinking of how I acted like a complete child. I never thought about how he would feel because of my actions. I only thoughtabout what I needed to do to protect him. I can’t believe he tried to rearrange his life to be closer to me.

And what did I do? I pushed him away.

“When Mel told me you were doing the same thing to her, I knew it was bad. I hinted around something happening but didn’t want to get your hopes up until I knew if it was possible.”

I think back to one of Cole's and my conversations, where he talked about the Salt Lake City Bees. I felt like there was more to what he was saying, but I was also in no place to comprehend exactly what he was saying.

“Wait.” My head tilts, and I squint my eyes. “Is that when you were talking about the Bees and how close they were to Gran’s house?”

He chews his bottom lip and slowly nods his head. “Yup.”

I look into his earnest green eyes, and any remaining ice around my heart melts. “You would’ve done that for me?” I push past the tightness in my throat.

“Noelle,” his husky voice sends chills down my body as his eyes roam my face like they’re trying to memorize every one of its features. “I would do anything for you.”

My breath is zapped from me, and my mouth drops open.

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