Page 31 of A Not So Merry Ex-Mas

“Cole?” I suddenly feel compelled to ask him about his injury.

“Yes?” His grin widens.

I lean against the counter, look down at my feet, and wring my hands. My stomach flips. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, Ladybug.” My eyes whip to his, and their openness nearly floors me.

“Anything?” My voice spikes as I question whether or not to actually open this can of worms.

He leans back in his chair, resting his arms against the sides, and nods. His body language conveys an openness to talk about whatever I will throw his way.

I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Will you tell me what happened with your career?”

Chapter Fourteen

Cole

Just then, the teapotwhistles loudly, giving me a momentary reprieve. Noelle turns back and removes it from the burner. I quietly watch her every movement, like a man who’s been deprived of water for too long.

My stomach is in my throat. I haven’t talked about this in years, and it’s not a topic I willingly delve into. It was a dark time in my life for many reasons.

Do I regret how everything went down with my professional career? Not anymore. Back then, I was confused, hurt, and angry. Everything I had worked toward for most of my life was over, and I felt lost.

Noelle moves to the table and fills the two mugs. She puts the teapot back on the stove and grabs a spoon from the drawer.

Sitting next to me, she scoops some chocolate powder and mixes it with the hot water. I watch as the clear liquid becomes muddy and feel like the mixing of the hot chocolate is a metaphor for my life with all my buried emotions being stirred up.

“I’m sorry,” Noelle says as she drops miniature marshmallows into both cups. “I shouldn’t have asked you about it.”

“No, it’s okay.” I wrap my hands around the warm mug and take a deep breath before slowly blowing it out. “I still can’t tell you how it happened; even the doctors were perplexed.”

I pick up the spoon Noelle was using and push the marshmallows to the bottom of my mug. I do this for no reason other than needing to do something with my hands.

“I was pitching against the White Sox, it was the bottom of the 9th, and we were up by two runs. All I needed to do was close it out by pitching one more strike.” I can hear the murmur of the excited crowd as the memory takes me back to that day. It was the perfect day for baseball, and I only needed to throw onelast pitch. “When I released the ball, I felt something pop in my elbow.”

“I remember that game.” My head whips up at Noelle’s words, and I see a sad smile cross her lips as she stares into her hot chocolate. “Gran would always watch your games while she was in the hospital. She was your biggest fan.”

My chest tightens at her words. Knowing she was keeping track of my career, even if just through her grandmother, answers a question I’ve always had.

I feel my lips curl up. “Did she tell you I invited her to come to the game when we played the Salt Lake Bees?”

By Noelle’s wide eyes and mouth, the answer is no.

“Every once in a while, she would reach out to me and wish me luck. I was so very sad to hear when she passed.” I lift my eyes to Noelle’s. “She was a wonderful woman.”

“She was that.” Noelle’s eyes get glassy, and she drops her gaze to stare intently into her hot chocolate. “I miss her. Especially around this time of year.”

My hand lifts to reach out to her, but I quickly put it back down. A heaviness fills the silence for a moment before I pick up where I left off.

“After the game, I told the doctor on staff what had happened. He did some quick tests to check it out, but since nothing hurt, he just told me to ice it and get some physical therapy done the next day.”

I stir the spoon in my hot chocolate again, working to control my emotions. Noelle takes a sip from her mug and waits quietly. I look up to see her eyes laden with compassion, and a lump forms in my throat.

When everything happened, I was desperate to call her. I needed her by my side, but she had pushed me away. No, she had pushed everyone away, even her best friend. Noelle had isolated herself thousands of miles away, and no one could touch her.

Her pushing me away was a situation I didn’t know how to fix. I couldn’tmakeher answer my calls, and I couldn’t go to her. Idid the only thing I could, and that was what she obviously wanted. I let her go. It was my only choice. Plus, I had a career to focus on.

But she was the only one I wanted when everything turned upside down.

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